Sorry (not sorry)

Sorry.

I am guilty of this - saying sorry for every little thing - even things that I have no need to be sorry for!

It's as if I am apologizing to everyone for even existing.

Sorry I'm talking.
Sorry, I have an opinion.
Sorry, I have a question.
Sorry, I'm good at what I do.
Sorry, I don't agree with you.
Sorry, I'm sick of that bullish*t.
Sorry, I really don't have time for that right now.

When I first saw this commercial, I nearly cried.

For real.

I have never really thought about it before, but what are we all sorry for?  I know I'm not the only one apologizing their days away.   Are we so worried about what everyone else thinks, that we feel the need to right something before it's even wrong?

Or is it just the worst case of insecurity ever?

I'm not sure when it started, but you better believe I'm going to stop myself from apologizing for things that aren't necessary.  

It's okay to have an opinion.

It's okay to disagree with someone.

It's okay to be exactly who you are.

Own it.

Live it. 

Be strong and shine.

Thanks, Pantene.  I love your commercial.

Happy FIRST day of Summer!

Inspired

Inspired... that's my word of the day.

I'm hoping it lasts for more than just a day though.

I've been looking everywhere for it.  High and low.  In desk drawers.  In file folders.  Even in the cookie jar.

It couldn't be found anywhere.  At least not where I was looking.

Then a friend of mine said she was doing a speaking engagement today for a teacher's conference, so I decided to leave work early and go see her.

Truth be told, I would pretty much cross state lines to watch her read the phone book.  She's that good.

And it's not so much what she's saying all the time... it's how she says it and the meaning behind the words.  She is a children's book author, a teacher, wife and mother, daughter, and friend.  So many things to so many people.  In fact she has inspired me to write another top ten list :)

Top Ten things Allison has taught me:

1. Being real and honest about who you truly are is a beautiful thing.  So many people out there are trying to fit into a mold of who they think they should be (myself included), so its amazing to be around someone who is 100% completely owning who they are.  
2. Beauty can be found everywhere.
3. Public speaking doesn't have to be scary or boring.  She is brilliant.
4. Real people attract real friends who are really nice.
5. It's okay to have issues, and if you can share them in a way to make someone else feel like they're not alone... well, that's just brilliant.
6. She is funny, wise, and likes to curse as much as I do.
7. Be nice to everyone (even the people you might not like).
8. Home is where your heart is.
9. Taking chances in necessary to growing.  
10. It's the little things in life that truly make a difference.  How you treat people and live your life will come back to you every time.  Be kind.

So you can see why my inspiration jumping off the page now?  I hope you can all find something to be inspired about this weekend.

Happy Friday!

Summer Reads

This Saturday marks the official FIRST DAY of Summer, and what goes better with Summer than books?

Nothing.

It's like peanut butter and jelly.

Batman and Robin.

Beer and pretzels.

Wine and ... well, anything.

And let me tell you, I just finished another book that totally threw me at the end.  Beautifully written, and unlike anything I've ever read,  We Were Liars by E. Lockhart will definitely make you think.

I'm sad that it's over and not sure what I'll pick up next.  I call this feeling a book hangover when you don't want something to end, and then when it does, you feel a little lost.

But it's summer, remember?  So there has to be something on the horizon... Something to pick up on the very first day of Summer.

And so it begins...

I guess my first official summer book will have to be Catching Air by Sarah Pekkanen.

I'm sure you all know this by now, but I LOVE all things Sarah.  Her stories, her writing, and her characters who are so real you feel like you already know them.

Sarah is one of those writers who makes me want to be a better writer.  I will admit to a touch of writer envy when I finish one of her books.

There you have it.  The Official Summer Reading Kickoff.

What are you reading this week?

Word

I have fallen... and I can't get up.

I have fallen in love with reading again.

Yes, it's always been one of my true loves, but I have to admit that since finishing my own book I've felt like I should be doing more than just reading.

Like working on my own.
And trying to get it published.
Or reading about getting published.
Maybe writing query letter #7.

To say I don't relax much is an understatement.

However, tonight I was cleaning out my book shelves and realized what I've been missing... and remembered why writing is so important to me.  Books are my favorite escape and always have been.

#bestshelfever

Perhaps I'm having this writers block because I'm trying too hard and not taking the time to savor the words already written.  How could I possibly think that all work and no reading would possibly work for me?  I gave up the one thing that truly made me more myself than anything else... and ended up lost again.  

So, this summer is about reading more than writing.  My book isn't going anywhere (quite literally), and I need some clarity about why I even started writing to begin with.  And starting this week, I'll bring back the Friday Reads posts again.

It's been too long, in more ways than one, so I hope you'll read along with me this summer...

Have a great week!

Dad

As I'm sitting here today, I realize how little I talk about my dad.  It's almost as if he doesn't exist, at least in my little online world.  That is so sad, because even though we all know what my mom meant to me... we know very little about him.

So it is only appropriate, on this Father's Day Weekend, to celebrate Popsie...

Popsie's Top Ten

1. Even though we don't always see it, Popsie is one of the most religious men on the planet.  He gets to the shop every morning around 5:30 am so he can say a rosary before the boys get in.  He has never not done this.
2. He had one true love in his life - my mom - and it never entered his mind (not once) that he should remarry.  They celebrated their 46th anniversary the year she died.
3. He is a staunch Republican and will dislike someone simply for being a Democrat (hence my first line in #1).  And I am not kidding.  If you want to get him riled up, ask him about Obama, but be prepared to hear some cursing.  It's not for the weak.
4. He is an avid watcher of all things horse racing.  Don't call him if a horse race is on... or even coming on.  He just wants to focus.
5. Popsie LOVES sports - especially his grandkids - but HATES refs.  There isn't a ref in Lansing that hasn't been yelled at by my dad.  It embarrasses the hell out of me, but most people seem to think it's funny.
6. Music is about the only thing he and I have in common.  Ever since I was little he and I have shared this love of the same kind of music.  
7. My dad is one who will never pass up a sale.  A $4.00 shirt at Kohls (size medium, no less)? Sure!  10 Pound can of coffee?  You betcha.  It doesn't matter what the sale is, really, he just wants to cash it in.
8. My dad loves, love, LOVES, going to the movies.  He even rates them like he's Gene Siskel himself.  Sadly his favorite movie remains Brokeback Mountain.  No lie.  It's been the family joke for years.
9. Up until they closed, Old Country Buffett was his favorite place to eat.  It's sad, really.
10. He is one of the most generous people I know and would give you the shirt off your back if you needed it.  

I really could go on and on with small tidbits about him that would make you smile or even giggle.  The truth is, he is an amazing man who has worked hard his whole life.  His business started our at Vic Garmyn and Son...  and he was the son back then.  I've always said I got my work ethic from my dad and spending habit from my mom.  If I didn't have one, I couldn't have the other.  

So, that's my Pops in a nutshell.  I hope you're lucky enough to have met him at some point, but if not just know he's a generous and stubborn old man who loves his family more than anything... and has taught me a great deal about life.

I hope you all have a wonderful dad to celebrate with this weekend!

Happy Father's Day!

Challenges

What is it about the word challenge that makes me take notice?  Is anyone else like this or am I alone with my competitive, challenging nature?

Currently I have about three challenges running around in my brain trying to provoke me into making some changes in my life.  But one thing I've learned about taking on a challenge is you had better be serious about it, because after 3-4 days, the challenge becomes the enemy.  At that point you have two choices:  Get rid of the enemy by giving up the challenge  OR  seeing it through, which always leads to a life different than it was before.

That's the part that gets me.  The whole 'different life' thing.  And I know the life I have now is truly blessed, but there's another part of me that knows in my heart I would thrive if only _______ were different.

One thing I have learned about myself this year is that I never truly relax... like, ever.  I am always thinking about what I should be doing, what I haven't done, what I ate, what I spent, and what it's going to cost me, mentally and physically.

My.  Brain.  Never.  Stops.

And it's exhausting.  So sometimes, I think I the challenge is more of a way for my mind to relax in some sort of twisted structure (think Bikram yoga).  So is the challenge helping me grow or just a mental way of weeding out the unnecessary wants?  Is my mind working overtime so I can try and find a way to relax?

Your guess is as good as mine.

All I know is that challenges are hard.
They test you.
Sometimes they piss you off.
Other times you find yourself proud.
Always, even if you don't finish, you will be changed in some way.

Make a challenge to yourself this summer.  It doesn't have to be big or life changing.  Just something that you've been thinking about for a while.

Set a date.
Write the goal.
Take the challenge.

To be continued....

Happy Mother's Day...

I think by now we all know that I have this love/hate relationship with Mother's Day.

On one hand...

Toby and the kids are extra nice that day.
Usually a meal is involved.
Everyone you see wishes you Happy Mother's Day.
My sister always gets me the best gifts.  Spoils me rotten.
Spring is in the air.

But then on the other hand...

I still miss my mom.

I won't get bogged down on what I don't have without her, since I'm starting to learn that the best of her is still with me.  I have her laugh.  I have her smile.  I have exceptional parenting mothering skills... just ask my kids or anyone at the rink.  I take care of them all.

My office is a lot like her office was:  Always filled with someone wanting to hang out or needing advice.  Sometimes they just want to vent or on the really bad days, they'll shut the door and cry.

So I sit and listen, or hug, or give them what they need, whether it's simple advice or a kick in the pants.  I witnessed this gift in my mother when I was in high school, and now I see it in myself.  It's as if she is really still here.

But she's not.

So being my mother, and still wanting to make sure I'm okay, she has surrounded me with some of the best moms I know.

My friends.

As I was walking tonight I had this overwhelming feeling of being blessed with friendship.  These moms are the ones who have held me up over the years.

still not sure who the guy is...

Laughed with me.
Cried with me.
Given me hope and support when I needed it, and of course a kick in the pants too.
We've swapped recipes and pins.
We always trade books.
We check up on each other's kids.
We do breakfast, lunch, dinner, and movies.  (Shhh)
Drinks are a given, and 'wine-ing' is allowed.


In a nutshell, I am blessed.

So to all you moms... and some of you aren't even moms yet, thank you.  Thank you for making this thing we call life worth living.  Thank you getting me through the hard days and making the easy days more fun.

We are all blessed to have each other for certain.

Thanks Mom...