Fear

Set your timer:  Everyone has fears.  Write about yours and how you can overcome them and continue to write.  How do you take your thoughts away from the fear?

It's so strange sometimes.  These "assignments" come to me when I need them most, and force me to look at my life differently.  I am nothing without my fear, and my fear is nothing without me.

Think about it.

Most of my days are consumed with fears about my family.  On any given day I will have these various thoughts go through my head:

• Is Ev okay?  He seems down today.  Does he hate me?  Does he even care enough to hate?
• Am I doing enough for Blake?  He seems bored today, what can I do/buy/be for him to get him UNBORED.  (Yes, I know that's not really a word, but it should be.)
• Works sucks.  Learn to skate starts Sunday and I'm not ready.  Everyone wants something from me right now, and I'm stuck in between the rink and the Club.  I hate working.  Do I have enough hours?  I don't want to work ALL DAY SUNDAY.  
• I don't even have enough time to get started on the money worry.  That's a whole new post.

I like to think of myself of a 'glass half-full kinda girl' but I really think I'm pretending.  It's all a big show for everyone and I'm this giant pessimist who can't go 5 minutes without a bad thought.  I don't know if that's really true, but I do know that my fear has a way of paralyzing me into apathy.  My life and fears have changed so drastically in the past 3 years, and it seems that I never escape it.  

I have been working lately on trying to drag my mind away from it and focus on other things when things seem bad.  Fear and worry will eat you alive from the inside out and leave you with nothing.  And it's not as if we're fixing anything by worrying... it's just worrying for the sake of worrying.  I saw a sign the other day for a yoga site and it's tag line was "Worrier or Warrior?" and I thought how completely genius.  In other words, sit and worry or choose strength.  

I know I'll still worry and probably never stop.  Goes hand and hand with being a mom.  However, just saying worrier or warrior to myself forces me to see what I'm doing, and then I have the choice to be something different.  I like to have choices.

I hope you all can relate and try to have a warrior day!