Review

So I've spent the entire day in bed until now.  I am the third in our family to get the summer cold/flu, and let me tell ya, it's no fun.

I've never been the best patient, and even though I tend to think that men are the wimps when it comes to illness, today I took pathetic to a new low... or high, depending on how you look at it.

The problem is I can't shut my brain off when I'm laying there all day.  It's like my mind can't even have a sick day with the rest of me.  No, no, I have to lay there and think about what needs fixing, what's working, and what I'm going to do in my next scene.  All day I've been wanting to write, and finally I feel okay enough to at least sit upright.

I even took the time to figure out there is 45 days till my 45th birthday.  How's that for over-thinking things?  Not to mention this past week we've had to fill out self-evaluations at work.  I mean, do you fill them out and make yourself awesome or play it low key and hope they don't agree with your ratings?  It's tricky, and I've often thought the world would be a better place if we had to fill these things out for not just work, but life too.

Would you live differently if you knew that every summer you had to review how your year was going?  Its kind of like evaluating if you're sticking to your new year's commitments, and if you're not what are you gong to do about it?  And to answer your question, yes I did a self-review and found myself thrilled with some things and disappointed with others.  Story of my life.

So as the rain comes down again, and another week has passed that I didn't run, I sit here and wonder how I'm going to make the next 45 days count.

See why I hate being sick?

Please tell me you had a better day... and pray that tomorrow I feel better.

Life

Sometimes, books come to you and find a way into your life because it's something you need to read at that point.  I just finished reading The Time of My Life by Cecelia Ahern (PS, I Love You), and wow is all I have to say.  I literally read this in two days because I couldn't put it down... it hit so close to home for me.

In short, it's one of those books that makes you go Hmmmmm.

Am I guilty of reading books that make you think and reevaluate how you're living?  Absolutely.  It's almost like there's a new genre of books called self-help fiction, and I'm all over it.  I got this.  And yes, writing one of my own.

The only thing different about this book is the amount of humor infused in there.  I found myself laughing out loud at the witty dialog throughout the book.  These characters say some pretty funny things here.  There were also times when I felt like she had read my journal, and I identified with the main character so closely it was eerie.

The basic premise of the book is about a woman who loses sight of her life after her boyfriend breaks up with her, and after many years of bad choices and avoiding anything important, she has an appointment with her Life.  In this book, her Life is an actual person who is a true reflection of her... well, life.

And so it got me thinking.... Of course it did, you're thinking right now.  What would my Life look like

if it were a real person?  After much pondering, I came up with Maxine from the Hallmark cards.

Seriously.

She's self-depricating.
She's funny.
She's a little round through the middle.
And she looks like she needs some attention.  Okay, a lot.

It's not lost on me that I would find someone twice my age to reflect my Life, because that is how I feel most days.  See how she's slightly hunched over?  That's what I look like when I get out of bed :)  I haven't taken care of my Life in years, and spend a huge amount of time just trying to get to the end of the day, the end of the week, the end of the month, the end of the year.

Vicious cycle.

So in the Kristine fashion, I have posted a picture of the last paragraph of the book that I took last night just so I can keep those words with me.  It's not really a spoiler alert, because I do believe the book is pretty predictable and this doesn't really tell you everything that happens, but if you're not wanting to read this I get it.

It's completely true that we spend the majority of our Life taking care of everyone around us, leaving us feel completely drained and empty.  It's as if our Life is not our own, but belongs to everyone we love.  It's commendable, but after a while, we need to get a Life of our own and nurture that one just for us.

This gives a whole new meaning to get a life.

I beg of you, read this book.  Is it the best book ever written?  Probably not, but the story and the meaning are so true, and I think everyone could benefit from treating their Life better.

Get a Life... and then take care of it.

It's officially the first day of summer!  Celebrate and happy reading :)

Summer Reading

The absolute BEST part about summer isn't the warm weather, grilling out, or even the frozen margaritas (well, maybe not)... it's about the reading.  More than anything it's about having more time to read.

The homework is done, exams taken, and now they are trying to figure out every which way to not be B O R E D, but that doesn't bother me much, because I know at the end of the day, quite literally, I get to read.  There's not much on TV lately, so why not pick up a book?

This year I'm even going to try and read one book a week.  I know, I know, I can't even relax without setting goals already, but this is just my way of not getting hooked on shows that I could care less about.... just as soon as The Voice is over.  If you're like me, it's all too easy to plop in front of the TV and watch hours of mindless "reality" television.  So, yes, it's kinda like having homework all summer, but it just happens to be the best homework ever.


And to boot, I'm not going to spend a dime on any of the books.  These are all books I either have laying around, borrowed, or downloaded and just haven't gotten to yet.  I figured our summer schedule at the rink is 11 weeks, so I have chosen 11 books that will get me through to the first week of school.  Stop cringing, we're not even close to that yet.

Here's my Summer Reading List (not in any particular order):

1. Inferno by Dan Brown:  Love the last three... can't see how this one will be any different.
2. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon:  Heard from many reliable sources it's fabulous.
3. The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach:  Must read one baseball book in honor of my mom.
4. The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton:  Downloaded for Pittsburgh and never read.
5. All the Summer Girls by Meg Donohue:  Well because it's summer... and I'm a girl... and I loved her first book.
6. The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman:  Started a couple times and kept putting down for something lighter.
7. Shadow of Night by Deborah Harkness:  C'mon already.  I just have to finish this one already.
8. The Shortest Way Home by Juliette Fay:  Love her other stuff.
9. The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh:  Came highly recommended by someone who has fabulous taste.
10. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown:  Love her, love her, love her.  Isn't that enough?  Plus I want to dare greatly myself.
11. Untitled by Mo Parisian:  I have a date in mine when it will be done, so it will be nice to read (and fix) in its entirety.  Hopefully I can come up with a title by then too :)

So that's it.  As soon as I hit publish, I am on the hook for reading all of these books.  Every Sunday I will review what I read and put in my two cents on here.  I am going to start with The Language of Flowers, because I hate keeping books that aren't mine for too long!

What about you this summer?  What will you be reading?

Happy Monday!  And looky there.... it's just in time for The Voice!

Insanity

For the past few months I've been stewing (mostly at work), and quite frankly I'm sick of it.  And myself.  I'm not usually one of those people who blame everyone for their problems, but lately, I feel like I have been.  I've been picking apart every decision everyone else is making instead of just focusing on what I need to do to get my job done.

I'm mad because I don't get this or that.

I'm mad when someone else isn't doing their job.

I'm mad at all the "plans" that never get done.

I'm mad I don't always get what I deserve.

I'm mad that I have never spoken up and let it get to this point.

There I said it, and for those of you who know me, that was not easy.  I'm not the one who usually gets mad... I don't do mad very often.  I'd rather keep the peace and keep my mouth shut.  I'll stuff all these feelings down, and perhaps that wasn't the best plan for me, because I've been dreading my own life again lately.

I have always loved this quote of defining insanity, and used it often.  It's my go-to phrase when I see that people aren't getting what they want in life, and I'll often call them out on it.

Sidebar:  As I'm writing this, Patsy Cline's Crazy just came on.  I'm not sure if Spotify is mocking me or telling me I'm on the right track.

Honestly, I feel like the blinders have been lifted and I can see now that I'm going to have to change to create a better outcome.... Clouds parting, angels singing.  And to quote myself from the last post...It is what it is... what are you going to do about it?  It's amazing how one day you can just wake up and see where the problem really lies, and know all the other stuff was just noise.

The real question is what am I going to do about it now?  Katherine Center has a quote, "You have to be brave with your own life so others can be brave with theirs," which completely sucks, because I really don't do brave either.  And now you're wondering how I got to be almost 45 years old without being brave or mad?  

Chocolate and wine. 

Lots and lots of wine.

To answer my own question, un-sarcastically this time, I will simply say that I promise to take a few brave steps this week in making the changes I want at work.  If another job comes along and it's everything I want, then I'll make that decision when I get to that point, but I have to start embracing the one I have first.

Wish me luck... I have a feeling I'm going to need it this week.

And I will wish all of you a Happy-School-is-Out-Awesome-Week!

Thank you for being my Dr. Phil...

Life is Short ~ Let go

This might be one of the hardest lessons to learn... letting go.  For whatever reason we find it so easy to cling to things, situations, people that make us miserable.

It's as if suffering is the new black.

But I'm done with it and the whole suffering thing too.  The one thing I have learned in the last month is that life is short... too short, and I'm tired of wasting all these negative feelings over things that just don't deserve my time and energy.  It depresses me and steals my creativity.

Plus it just feels crappy.

I know that I haven't written here in a while, and mostly it's because I have been worrying, stressing, festering, and doubting everything I do.  I mean, how can I possibly inspire you when I can't let go of these negative feelings myself?  I started to question my reasons for even writing in here in the first place.  Am I just looking for attention?

The answer is NO, in case you're wondering.

On my way home from school the other day I had the Oprah station on (shocking, I know), and I don't even know who the guest was, but at one point I heard the words 'what are you here for?  What is your purpose?' And it hit me clear as the blinding sunshine that morning, that I am here to make people happier and inspire them to want more in their lives.

I don't know why I have decided that, but I think it decided me first.  I was the daughter of a woman who's mission was to spread joy, and while that is wonderful, it's not what I want in my life.  I'm taking it a step further and showing people that joy will happen when they are living their lives in the happiest place possible.

Does that make sense?

Maybe it's the same thing, but I feel like I'm going about it from the inside out, where my mom often thought things and gifts were the pathway to happiness and joy.  Sometimes it was, but more often than not, I just feel like joy has to start internally, not externally.  A place where you are happy and proud of who you are and want to share your gifts (whatever they may be) with the world.

There are things in this world I can't change... too many things to count... but it's not my job to change them.  It is what it is, and sometimes those five words can make the difference between a bad day and an amazing life.  By accepting these five words, you are back in control of your future instead of someone or something else.

Life is __________ (fill in the blank).

It is what it is... what are you going to do about it?  What can you let go of that will set you free?

It's the day before the last day of school, so you'll have to excuse me while I go do my happy dance.

Let's have the best summer ever.