Starting Over

There are so many things going on in life right now, and I am constantly feeling the need to hit the Do-Over button.  If only there was one in life that would either take us back to the beginning or propel us to a future date when life wasn't so complicated.

As if a future time like that even existed.

I find myself lately wondering where the time has even gone.  Forget about the future... what happened to the past?  Was I so busy with kids and daily life, that I didn't notice that time was flying by?  I have pictures, so many pictures, that have documented that we indeed gave the kids a happy childhood, but somehow that part of our life is gone, and everything is different now.

The life I'm in right now seems to be one that is by default.  One that wasn't necessarily a vision of mine, but rather one that I have been bullied into (by myself, of course).  When you're in the hustle and bustle of "busy life" you merely get through the days, exhausted, drained, and grateful for the bed at night.  You don't dream of something different, because that would seem ungrateful, and no one ever wants to be ungrateful when it comes to family life.

Being a mom requires you to put everyone else first, and we do that with pride.  It's a badge of honor to be baking at midnight because someone forgot to tell you they are having a class party.

Or waiting in line to buy an entire homeroom breakfast burritos at Mickey D's.
Or sewing together the shoulder pads five times in a month.
Or the countless trips to school and back, everyday for 12+ years.
Or sitting in doctor's offices, hospitals, and in rocking chairs in the middle of the night.

We've all done it and should be proud.

However, it's all changing now, and we have to find our selves again.  The one who used to dream about life and the pursuit of goals.  The one who wants more than just a job to pay the bills, but something that feels like a calling.

And maybe it's just me, but I don't think so.

I am restless and feeling like this time is nearing the end, and something bigger (and hopefully better) is on the horizon.  Now is the time to maybe dust off the journal and start writing about what we really want our lives to look like.  What does the perfect day look like on paper?

Write it down.

And no, it shouldn't be drinking and baking all day.  I may or may not have had to cross that one out.  The main fact is some of us are hiding behind our daily life because you forgot how to dream.  I know I was.  But that has changed, and I'm in full-on reinvention mode.  I am trying new things.  Trying, for the first time in my life, to ignore what I perceive others are thinking about me, and just doing things that belong on a grateful list.

Which I write every day.

Word.

I know this isn't for everyone, and we all have a pace we're comfortable with, but if you're the tiniest bit restless like I am, then follow along.  I haven't been ignoring this blog, but rather, a bit uninspired to write the same stuff over and over again.

I finally feel like I have something to say to you again, and I hope you'll be listening.

Happy Wednesday :)

September Love

The calendar says September 1.

The leaves are already falling off the trees (a bit early, don't you think?).

And even Spotify graced me with a little Earth, Wind, and Fire this morning.  Do you remember...

So it must be true.  Summer is officially over, and we are launched into one of the busiest months of the year.  I know many of you have been dreading this.  You knew it was coming, and you clung to the end of summer like Linus with his blanket.

Not me.  I say bring it on.  Maybe it's my natural tendency to love change of any kind in my life.  It's keeps things fresh and new.  I'm rather done with summer and doing a little dance today.  I will neither confirm nor deny that I baked a batch of cookies for the occasion.

But I'm sure you already know.

I thought it was only fitting to do a September Top 10 in honor of the first day leading into the best season ever.

September's Top Ten

1. I will say what you're all thinking (even if you won't admit it).... The kids go back to school.  Yes, for some of us, this has already happened, but for everyone else, this is one of the happy days in our parental year.  
2. Things like schedules and family dinners are written into the planner again.  Practices, homework, games... these eat up the white space of our calendars, but for me, that's a good thing.  I do so much better when there is a plan of attack.  White space scares the hell out of me, and I end up watching entire SEASONS of a show on Netflix on a single day.  
3. Weather changes.  Is there anything better than Fall?  I know it doesn't officially begin till September 21, but I can always hope the weather isn't following the calendar too closely.
4. September means the rink will be quiet again during the day.  I'm not going to lie... This summer was hell for everyone involved, and I for one, am happy to be able to think clearly again.
5. Three words:  Hockey season begins.
6. Football is back on TV.  I've never been the biggest fan of football, but I don't mind it on, especially if I have a good book to read.  It's something I can watch with the boys and not feel left out.  That is until ....
7. THE RETURN OF SCANDAL!!
   
8. Let's just hold there for a moment... Fall is the beginning of the TV season, at least for network television, and what I also have started to call DVR season.  We are bombarded with so many new shows (Hello How To Get Away With Murder!), as well as our old favorites that we wouldn't consider missing (i.e. Revenge), and there just isn't enough time each night to see it all!  Enter the blessed DVR.
9. Blake Shelton.  The crush continues.  And so will The Voice, September 22.  
   
10. Reading/Writing time increases.  For whatever reason, I just find more time to write and read during the school year.  The boys are out of the house more, or I'm waiting at school.  Either way, it's more time to get to what I love.  Words.

Word.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

What do you think?

Someday, I think this is what is going to be put on my tombstone.

What do you think?

At what point did I stop believing that my own opinions, likes, and dislikes were all that I needed for a better life?  A happier and more relaxed life.  I am driven my public approval and acceptance, and no, I am not proud of that fact.

And then I came across this quote this morning.

And it's not until recently that I understood that I have years of unfinished projects, writings, and DIY's all because I thought someone might like that I was doing it.  Even on here, I have found myself not wanting to write as much because I'm not entirely sure anyone is reading.  Or writing more because I might have had a lot of views on a particular day.

Yes, I know YOU are reading, but does anyone else really care what I have to say?  And now for the bitter pill.... should it matter what anyone else thinks or says?

I was talking about a situation at the rink yesterday with one of our front desk staff, and at one point she said, "Well, why would you care what she thinks?"  It hit me, that I was worried about the opinion of someone I didn't even respect because of my desperate need to be liked.

Here is how bad it can get...

• I have a hard time relaxing at home because I wonder what so-and-so would think if they knew I was watching Friday Night Lights for the 4th hour in a row.
• I'm not always honest with people for fear that my opinion would lead them to think I was really crazy.  
• I think my depression is sometimes linked to the fact that I'm a people-pleaser and driven by what others need.  That fact alone makes it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.
• I'm never really sure if I love something until I finish it.  If I finish a project, yes... If it's sitting in a documents folder, no.
• Never really trusting your own opinion hold you back from taking chances and trying new things.  Or sending query letters.

I literally could go on and on.  So much of who I am is wrapped up in what I believe others think, and I HATE  it.  Hate is a strong word, but I am using it (with the trifecta of formatting no less), because I feel that at some point I need to break free from caring what others think.

Will this happen over night?  Probably not, but I do know that little changes will add up to a big difference.  I already started this week by choosing to say no to someone and owning what I wanted.

I know I'm not alone in this battle.  Many of us are guilty of this to some extent, but maybe we can start to figure out what is really important to us and roll with that.  Figure out what you love.  Figure out what you hate.  And figure out whose opinion you can really trust... and others, not so much.

Let the bad stuff go.  It can't effect you if you don't let it.

Happy Friday!

#100happydays

This might not be a word to live by, but it's certainly a hashtag to live by.

Can one live by a hashtag?

Either way, I have officially jumped on the bandwagon and started my #100happydays adventure on Instagram.

Day 1

Now I'm not completely sure if this project will create actual happiness, but I do think it will force anyone taking the challenge to start looking and being open to it.  

Besides, after I posted this picture I found myself looking around for more happy things, so any hashtag that induces a search for happy things is okay in my book. 

So whether or not you're looking to find more happiness in your days, what can it hurt?  You don't even need to take the challenge to participate.  Pay attention to what is going on around you during your day and see if you can't find something to be happy about.  You don't have to post or hashtag... just notice.

I hope you have a #happymonday and have a chance to watch or read something good tonight.

Amazing

Hello!

I tweeted this to a friend today but thought we could all use a boost now and then.  I even printed it to hang above my desk.

 

Have an amazing day!

Additions

I have an addition to my family... my blog family, that is.

It's been a struggle to write here lately (yes, I know you've noticed), and I just have found myself reading more than anything else.

It's only natural that I would want to have a blog dedicated to what I love most.  I'm hoping to maintain both blogs, as well as start a new book of my own, and want to keep you along for the ride.  Yes, I have high hopes for myself.

So, if you're looking for the next book, or just want to see what I'm reading, head on over to So Many Books and let me know what you think.

I always love to hear from you...

Friday Reads

Well... did you read something this week?

Did you love it?  Or hate it?  Or not really care if you finished it?

I read Catching Air by Sarah Pekkanen last weekend, and even though I finished it in only a couple days, it wasn't my favorite book of hers.  Don't get me wrong... it's a great book, but her earlier work, especially Skipping a Beat, was exceptional.  If you haven't read that one yet, you MUST.  It's still in my top 10 favorite books of all time.

So, this week I have two things for you to read.

The first one comes to me by way of Marcy, my book guru.  If Marcy says to read something, you read it.  You don't ask questions.  You don't inquire what it's about.

You just buy the book and read it.

And that's what I did.  I bought the book, and will spend a leisurely weekend reading it.

Eleanor & Park, by Rainbow Rowell (yes, that's for real) is the book, and I was told that it would remind you why you love to read.  I can't wait to start it and let you know all about it.

Now, the next thing I want you to read isn't a book but a website.  Not sure how I found this one, but I  started off following it on Instagram and just find myself drawn to her website all the time (it might have something to do with her monthly 30 day challenges).  The Everygirl website has a little bit of everything, and I could spend hours going through all of the articles on there.  

Trust me, you'll love it.

Start by following it on Instagram and you'll see what I mean.  Beautiful pictures every day.

Well, that's it... my #fridayreads list for you.

I hope you're reading something good this week.

Happy Friday!