Mortified

A friend of mine has been listening to my parenting horror stories (she has none) for a while, saying they're the best birth control ever. So jokingly I told her last week that she doesn't know mortified till she has kids.

She promises that it'll be the title of her book someday.

It's become my mission to give her the dirt (actually any childless friend) so they know exactly what they're getting into when they make that decision. You literally have to be crazy to have kids. Yes, they bring a lot of joy to our lives, and quite frankly, life might be a little b-o-r-i-n-g without them, but good Lord, do they have to teach us such humility? There isn't a day that goes by that I don't sprout at least one new gray hair because of them.

Here is today's email to my childless buddies...

We are running late as usual this morning, and Evan decides he wants to drive to school. Great!




He finds his favorite Mac Miler song, so I can listen to rap on the way. Super!




He goes to back out of the garage and bumps into the shelves in front of us. He's in drive... in our garage. Excellent!




Screaming "GODDAMMIT, GO BACKWARDS," is probably not my shining moment in parental advice. Not to mention I threaten Blake that if he tells dad I'll take his iPod away.




You can stop laughing now, because it will happen to you someday.




You don't know mortified till you're a parent.




#mortified.




... I thought it might just make some of you others giggle too. And for the record, if any of you tell Toby, I'll take your iPod away as well.




Have a fabulous night!