jaded

"If you stop caring, you're jaded, but if you care too much, it'll ruin you."

~ Criminal Minds I must have had some crazy dreams last night, because I woke up grumpy and slightly jaded this morning.  As I tried to shake off the sleep, I immediately went into a mental conversation about how much I'm being used at work.  And not in a good way.  It's been a long week, since everybody and their brother wants to skate during the Holidays.  The phone rings off the hook with incredibly stupid questions, and I was put on as the morning manager all week.  And since I couldn't get my work done in the past three days, I have to go back in today to actually do what I need to do. Bitter Party of one? Here! This obviously is a mental conversation that will never happen, but clearly I have some issues going on in my subconscious.  I have these conversations in my head all the time.  This morning I actually thought writing about it might help, and perhaps some of you do the same thing and can relate. I have this problem of caring too much, going crazy, and then not caring at all.  It's like a crazy mood pendulum.  At this point, I'm heading for jaded...  I had a cookie with my coffee for breakfast if that tells you anything. But since, I'm a woman on a mission of happiness, this isn't going to sit well with me for any length of time.  There has to be a way for me to hang out in the middle of this pendulum, in the grey space so to speak.  How can I care about things at work and not feel that 'over-worked, under-appreciated' feeling I have right now?  January is literally the busiest month of the year for me from beginning to end, and I have to find a way to make this right.  Being present is going to make easier to handle. Keeping work at work, and staying focused on whatever I'm doing when I'm doing it, will be the only way I get through this month and year.  So this mental conversation I just had needs to be done, since it's neither the past, present, or future.  Letting go is the key.  If you find yourself in the same situation of being jaded and talking to yourself (mental or otherwise), take a step back and focus on something in your vision.  Right now, I'm watching it snow lightly on the back deck, and so happy we have snow. Writing here also helps, as it always has.  It's almost like Prozac for me.  I know this post is somewhat choppy and scattered, but that is literally what my thoughts are doing this morning. Damn pendulum. I hope you find yourself in a better frame of mind this Saturday. Happy Weekend!