Finish Lines

I imagine the last .2 miles in a marathon feel like the last 2 weeks of school.  When you're running a marathon (again, I can only imagine) hitting the 26 mile mark must feel like the end, and that the last .2 were created by someone with a serious mean streak in them.

That's exactly what kids think of the last two weeks of school.  Everyone is done with homework, assignments, papers, and tests.  They have worked hard all year, completed what the teachers gave them, and now that Spring is officially here, they could care less where the finish line is.  But there's still the issue of two weeks left.

And it's kinda how I feel about finishing anything in life.  Somewhere along the line I have become the world's greatest starter of all things.

I can start books I'll never finish reading.
I can start projects that will never get done.  (I secretly believe this is why God created Pinterest).
I can start diets and 'healthy life changes' only to be sore, hungry, and pissed off.

And the Mother of all things unfinished... I can start writing projects that are avoided when the going gets tough.

Procrastination is my middle name, and I have no time is my mantra.

It's no secret that A.A. Milne is probably my most favorite for the best quotes ever, but this one takes the cake.  It's almost as if one of my friends made this quote up and pasted his name on it just so I would find it .... on Pinterest... while not writing that next scene.

I have a vague recollection of things that I have finished...

Ratings

Various 5K's and walking a marathon

My first book

... and the thing that I remember the most about any of these accomplishments is having the most amazing feeling of pride when it was all said and done.  It was a feeling that I could do or be anything I wanted, and it was all true.  I think if I could bottle up that feeling I would make millions.  Most of us walk around with a slight feeling of inadequacy... a symptom of motherhood.... and I just think life would be so much better if we could see all the good we do, all the time.  The daily stuff is finished sometimes without even thinking.  Making lunches... getting kids to school on time (or early like today)... getting stuff done at work... making dinner when there's nothing in the house.... sitting through endless games...balancing the checkbook.  These are all things we finish every day and don't even realize that out there, somewhere, some people don't do this stuff.  Every mom I know goes above and beyond what is expected.  

In the Land of Motherhood, we are the finishers.  When it comes to our own lives, we need some work.  Some will argue that once you become a mother you give up your own life, and I will kindly disagree.  I think when you give up on your hopes and dreams, a little thing called resentment creeps into your life, and makes for a really cranky mom.  Take a moment and see if you know a mom like that... one who appears to be super-mom, but you know she is seething on the inside.  

A marathon is finished one step at a time.

A school year is completed one class at a time.

And a book is written one word - one letter - at a time.  

None of it has to be perfect, but I think it's important to have something to work towards other than the next lacrosse game.  It could be cooking or photography.  Reading or even blogging.

Take a moment this long weekend to check in and see if there is something missing in your life, and how you can start taking steps.  

And then take that first step....

Happy Friday Y'all!

struggles

Schedules are hectic lately and only getting worse for the next few weeks.

Homework and events are increasing.

Lacrosse schedules change by the hour somedays.

Work is in that difficult spot of being unsatisfying and annoying at the same time.  Which is fun.

So I took another personal day today, and while I still have to go in tonight, I have the "school day" to myself.  And it just so happens to be sunny and 70.  Quite literally.

I've had an issue lately of squandering away any free time I have, since it's so scarce.  I'll find myself watching an hour of tv and not having a clue as to what was even on.  I'll sit with a cup of coffee in the morning and just let my mind run through the usual loop of negative thinking.  Or my personal favorite, I'll get to school thirty minutes early so I can play Candy Crush till I'm out of lives.

You know... useful things.

When I woke up today, I knew work was not going to be on the agenda, unless you count working on the websites on my deck.  In shorts, t-shirt, and sunglasses.

Once I decided I would be home today, I did something that I usually don't do... I sat down and tried to figure out what would really make me happy.  At the same time I read an email I got from Notes from the Universe explaining the 10 things people take for granted.

#9:  How easy life is when they stop struggling.

And it hit me instantly... I've been resisting everything from schedules to work, and even sleep.  Poor me... life is busy and hectic, and messy.  Oh sure, I have the same thoughts as those negative people on Facebook we make fun of, but I just keep them hidden.  They're in my closet of bad thoughts.

Poor, poor me.

All I have wanted lately-craved really- is someone to take care of me.  Take care of my messy, complicated, amazing life.  In short, I miss my mom.  I miss the feeling of comfort I had knowing she could take care of anything and always make my life easy.  Mother's Day is always a double edged sword.

So in looking back to #9, I didn't struggle when she was around.  Life was just easier.  And then I remembered the video I watched yesterday, and knew instantly that life wasn't about being easier or without struggle.  And that resisting all of it is where the problem lies.  (Watch the video and come back).


"Bravery can only come from having something to be brave about.... We are only as great as our struggles." ~Katherine Center (my hero)

Looking at your life - the good, the bad, and the ugly - and not only accepting it, but being grateful for it is where happiness resides.

Now, I'm not saying that it's easy, but at least you know that you're not alone.

Everyone has struggles.
Everyone has pain.
Everyone has something in their life they want to change.

And everyone can be brave.

I hope you have a wonderful and messy and chaotic day.  It means you're still living.

B Grateful.

smile

I won't go on and on again about working this weekend.  I will simply leave you with this, and trust that it makes you smile as much as it does for me.

Click picture for video.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Bright Side

This is one of those weeks - weekends, really - that shines a light on the fact that I am not where I should be in life.  And it's not just a light... it's one of those mega spotlights that car dealerships will use to draw in customers.  This weekend proves that I am still making choices based on what others need instead of what I need.

And boy am I pissed off.

Now, I know I have absolutely no one to be pissed off at other than myself, but that's not comforting me at this time.  I literally don't know what to do with the anger anymore, and I know, I know this might be the most ungrateful post ever written, but the only outlet I can think of is to write.

I know once the words start flowing, I'll be able to see the other side of this and know that there might be a bright side (other than the mega spotlight shining on my issues).

So, in my post-show brain haze, I was asked if I could work this weekend because everyone took it off on their availability (including myself).  Being the sucker I am, I said yes, not realizing it was Mother's Day weekend.  (If you see a bright side to this, please leave it in the comments.)  

I took today off, hoping for so much... gardening, running, lunching on the roof at El Az, but God has other plans and thought a little rain might make me stronger.

Don't worry, I know it's not all about me, but for the sake of this post, let's pretend it is.

It's damp and cold out when the rest of the week has been sunny and 70... literally.  Where is the fair in that?  Well, there is none, but it is not going to break me.  The rain is making the ground better for gardening another day, running would just make me tired, and lunch can be relocated.

It's who you're lunching with that counts anyways.

And I get to write, which is something I've been procrastinating with all week.  

As for this weekend-o-work?  Well, I may have to be present there, but by no means to I intend to "work."  I have a couple creative projects that need some attention, and I will find a way to get through it.  

Maybe there is a bright side, since I wouldn't find any creativity if I were home all weekend.  Maybe this is a good thing, right?

I know, I'm not buying it either, but it's the best I can do.  

Little do they know I'll be running Mother's Day Specials on Sunday :)

I wish you all a beautiful Mother's Day Weekend, and if you read this send me a funny text on Sunday to help me get through the day.

Relax

Quick!  Raise your hand right now if you are utterly and completely relaxed.

........

Don't worry.  I kinda knew no one would run the risk of raising their hand, looking like a ding-dong in front of others.  How do I know this?  Because none of us are relaxed.

Not a single one.

I'm not sure any of us would know what relaxing was if it hit us in the face.  Many of us are given pockets of time, unscheduled - the almighty white-space in our calendars - and we squander it away because we don't want to look like we're not doing something productive.  Productive is a word that deserves an ass-kicking some days.  We have to fill that time with a quick load of laundry or emptying the dish washer instead of doing something that would make us feel better.

Again, I know this because I have made it my life's quest to fill up the white space.  I procrastinate relaxing because I don't want to look like I'm not working hard enough.

What the hell is that about?  And who exactly am I trying to impress?

I don't have these answers yet, but I do intend to "research" relaxing today and see what truly is relaxing, and what I think relaxing looks like to others.  There's a big difference, and the true benefits of having some down time will appear when you are using it wisely.

It's Cinco de Mayo today, and I think we could all use a siesta at some point today.

And then a margarita.

I hope you all have a relaxing day.

Home

“Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.” 

~ Sarah Dessen

Seventeen years ago today, we moved into our home.  

Our shelter.

Our sacred place.

Our haven.

This home has been such a part of our lives, and I can't ever imagine raising our kids anywhere else.  Would we like more space?  Sure, but I'm not willing (or able) to move just yet.  I remember vividly the first time I walked into our home, and I just knew.  

I knew it was going to be our home the second  I walked into the kitchen and saw the bar and the door to the back yard.   My mom had driven me by the house and I called the agent to see if we could walk through before the open house.  She met us there and I walked in and knew.  My mom did too.  It was one of those moments you didn't question... you just made the offer of what they were asking so no one else could outbid you.  

I remember moving in and my sister putting all the kitchen stuff away...

I remember my mom making several trips from our condo with all the stuff that she didn't want the movers to take...

I remember all the flowering crab apple trees were in bloom on the day we moved in....

I remember ordering pizza on the first night, and sleeping in our room for the first time.

This home has seen us through the most amazing times:  Pregnancies, new jobs, pre-school, and pets.  It has also seen us through the worst of times:  miscarriages, death, tantrums, and family business.

This much I know is true:  our house is our home, and at the end of the day, it is the one place that will bring us comfort.  I can still be calmed down by bringing my laptop to the big chair in the dining room and writing, usually with something baking in the oven.

Every.  Single.  Time.  

I don't know if we'll be here forever (we might win the lotto someday!), but I do know that I will be eternally grateful for the time we've had in our home.  My kids and their messy rooms will remember the family dinners, the pets, bedrooms painted in hockey colors, and the xBox in the basement.  

They'll remember the cookies.

They'll remember the feeling that being home meant everything would be okay, no matter what.

At least I hope they do.  

Happy May Day!