Lost, Season 45

So I finished my first draft four days ago.

And I'm lost.  Like really lost.

Like, I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not working, lost.  And even work is a struggle these days.

There is nothing on TV.  I can't focus on any book.  Y & R is only fifty minutes on the iPad, and even that isn't doing much for me.

All I want is to go back to Lakeside and hang out with Linny and the guys.  I want Charlie to hug me and Jimmy to roll his eyes and make jokes.  I want to feel the way Grace feels after a run... not the way I do.

The thing is I knew I was obsessive with writing this book, so much so that I literally couldn't wait to
finish whatever it was that I was doing, so I could get back in Frankfort.

But everything I've read about revisions says to leave it alone for a week and go back to it with fresh eyes, so here I am... needing to write and someone to hear me.  Life would probably be easier if I liked to talk on the phone, but it's words that make me feel better.

I also know I've neglected this for so long, and it's time I get back to finding some normalcy after this summer (did I mention it was the best summer ever?).  On September 1 I will tackle revisions and get back into their lives, but until then I'm going to try and relax for a moment.

In the meantime, if you notice me somewhere and I look a little well.... lost, just hang in there with me.  I'll find my way back home eventually.

I have truly missed this and hope someone is still checking to see if I'm alive :)

Motherhood

As I sit here tonight it is killing me not to be able to see Sarah and precious little Jonah (Little J-Twizzle, for long).  And knowing I was one of the first to even know about him nine months ago, this doesn't seem fair.

I comforted with the morning sickness.
I sat through nine months of bagel eating.
I hugged and calmed her down when she needed, right down to the day before.
I tried to be brutally honest with what really happens in delivery so she was prepared.
I told her to get an epidural, even though she was one of those who thinks they're tough enough.

And I've texted.  Oh how I've texted... words of wisdom, dirty jokes, sarcasm, truth, and joy.

To say I make it a priority to help her through life is an understatement, and I don't know what it is that compels me to take on this role, but we are connected in a weird way that cannot be explained.

And if I can't be there this week, there are a few things I want her to know... mom to mom.

• First of all, you are going to be overwhelmed.  It may not hit today or tomorrow, but it will hit, and when it does you'll wonder why you ever thought being a mother would be cool.

• You will fall so head over heels in love with this baby, and will find yourself just standing over them to watch them sleep.

• Your whole being is going to be taken over by this small, beautiful boy (a boy!!), but you will soon find out that your heart grows even bigger each day.  You will have space for Jonah, as well as well as the life you had before him.  Yes, your priorities will change, but it doesn't mean you have to choose one or the other.  You will learn the fine art of juggling and relying on your friends... and that's okay.

• Post-pardum is real.  Take it seriously if you're sad.

• Ask for and accept help as much as possible, especially at the beginning.  You may feel like super-mom (and you are), but none of us got through the first week alone.  

• Take naps when he naps.  Even if it's 4 6 times a day.

• No one cares if your house is a mess.

• Be kind to your self.

• Your friends have always been your life line.  That will not change.

• Above all things, remember this:  Jonah might be one of the luckiest little boys I know because he has you as his mom.  I hope he gets your sense of humor and especially your snarkiness of late.   I hope he follows in your path to be utterly passionate about something when he gets older.  I hope he knows he has not just you and Joel, but the entire skating family and the place we call home.  You're going to spend hours upon hours worrying about the tiniest issues, but I assure you, everything will be okay in the end.

This should get you through to Friday, when come hell or high water, I'm coming to see Mr. T.... with presents and dinner.  I plan on holding him for a long time too, so get your fix before I get there.  

Until then, you can text me any time day or night.  

I can't wait to see how this next part of your life unfolds.