Lost, Season 45

So I finished my first draft four days ago.

And I'm lost.  Like really lost.

Like, I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not working, lost.  And even work is a struggle these days.

There is nothing on TV.  I can't focus on any book.  Y & R is only fifty minutes on the iPad, and even that isn't doing much for me.

All I want is to go back to Lakeside and hang out with Linny and the guys.  I want Charlie to hug me and Jimmy to roll his eyes and make jokes.  I want to feel the way Grace feels after a run... not the way I do.

The thing is I knew I was obsessive with writing this book, so much so that I literally couldn't wait to
finish whatever it was that I was doing, so I could get back in Frankfort.

But everything I've read about revisions says to leave it alone for a week and go back to it with fresh eyes, so here I am... needing to write and someone to hear me.  Life would probably be easier if I liked to talk on the phone, but it's words that make me feel better.

I also know I've neglected this for so long, and it's time I get back to finding some normalcy after this summer (did I mention it was the best summer ever?).  On September 1 I will tackle revisions and get back into their lives, but until then I'm going to try and relax for a moment.

In the meantime, if you notice me somewhere and I look a little well.... lost, just hang in there with me.  I'll find my way back home eventually.

I have truly missed this and hope someone is still checking to see if I'm alive :)

unmotivated

It is beyond me why, after the most motivating day of the entire year (every year), I am left here feeling a little lost and a LOT unmotivated.

It's almost as if this Christmas break is like the movie Groundhog Day, and it.  will.  never.  end.  The walls are closing in on me, and this morning I opted out of going to work right away, so I can enjoy a moment of peace in my own home.

I know it's selfish.
I know I sound like a brat.
I know 'family time' should be sacred.  And it might be if we could find our Yatzee game.

But all I want is to be left alone.

Evan and I snuggled with Goldie

I have to admit I'm a little jealous of those families that can sit down and watch a movie together, or circle around the Wii and play all night.  We're just not like that and not sure we ever were.  Toby is good at the video games, and I'm better at board games.  Toby likes sports on TV, and I like to read.  The closest thing we've come to family gathering lately is Evan and I watching Prison Break on the laptop.

Not exactly Norman Rockwell.

I know, I know, I'm just looking for things to be wrong instead of living in the moment.  I know I'm just a little anxious because of all the down time with the kids.  I know there is no real normal, and going with the flow is essential at this point in our lives.

And yet... that crazy invisible beast from Lost follows me, reminding me I'm lost.

So, if you came here today looking for inspiration, I simply don't have it.  You're going to have to revel in that 'misery loves company' feeling you'll get from this post, and simply know you're not alone in this crazy-long-Christmas-Break world.

Now go out there and get yourself a Biggby or Starbucks (way cuter employees btw), because you deserve it today.  Actually, we deserve it every day, but who could afford that?

Have a fabulous weekend!!

Relax

I am proud to say that I made it through this week, and I'm still upright.

Well, sort of.  I do have a rotten cold, but nothing that is keeping me down.  Just enough to keep the kleenex handy, and the Alka Seltzer close by.

After Friday I gave myself permission to do nothing this weekend that would cause me any stress.  I had to work today, but got to go in at 10 instead of 7, and that was almost as good as not going in at all.

Almost.

So, this morning and tonight I have spent hours on youtube looking for videos that move me.  Clips of old movies and tv shows... favorite scenes and moments, and I feel so much inspiration from watching them I couldn't help but share them with you.  Some of them are long... get to them when you can.  I'm sure most of you have seen these, and if you haven't then you're in for a treat.  Here we go...and just in case it's not just a cold, you might want to grab some kleenex of your own.

The first one is from Sex and the City and holds one of my favorite quotes of all times.

Next is, hands down, the best scene in Remember the Titans.  Okay, at least one of them.  It's what makes this movie so perfect.

This one makes me cry... but then again, most things make me cry right now.  I have found that after the stress comes the release.  It's what moved me to watch We Bought a Zoo last night.  Still, this is an amazing end to an amazing show...  The music makes this all the more moving.

Now, to one of my all time favorite youtube videos.  KK... this one's for you.

To keep the warm and fuzzies going, here's my next pick.  Still, it too makes me cry.  I'm a sap, what can I say?

Okay, sadly, this has to come to an end because I know you don't have all the time that I do to waste.  I did, however, save the best for last.... at least I think so.  

"But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all, is the one you have with yourself.  And if you find someone to love the you you love, well... that's just fabulous."

Friday Reads

Yes, I am aware that if this were a true column, I'd probably be fired by now.  As much as I was looking forward to Fall and the change of schedules, I am not as good at transitioning as I used to be.  Mornings are busy, nights are busy, and I am somewhere lost in between.  Lost being the operative word here.

I've been here before, written about it many times, and know that some of you are on this island with me.  And like the fictional TV show Lost, this island will haunt you till you think you're losing your mind.  Just between you and me though, I'm really hoping we're not all dead and this is limbo.  That would totally suck.

Anyhoo, reading is really not my favorite thing to do when I'm here.  I'm too distracted thinking "poor me" thoughts to focus on anything good, so when I came across a book called Be Happy  by Robert Holden last weekend, I thought what the hell?

I'm only about a quarter of the way through it, and almost gave up on it till this morning when I got to Chapter 6, A Tale of Two Selves.  Now I'm hooked and starting to see that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.  Granted, it's a long tunnel in that this is supposed to be an "8-week course," but I am finding that this might be the rope to pull me out of my apathetic, self-destructive ways.

So, if you're feeling a little lost like I am, get yourself a copy and follow along with me.  Life is too short to be lost on a lonely, twisted island with nothing good to read.  Join me, won't you?