Friday Reads is back!

This is where I claim that life is officially starting to get back to normal.  Reading and looking for new books is back in full swing, and I am happily excited to be writing again.

First of all, I am going to hold myself to my goal for 2012 this year of finishing what I start.  It's no surprise to any of you that I like to skip around with books, projects, and writing.  When the going gets tough, I usually change my mind, so I thought I'd give myself a little dose of tough love, and hold myself accountable for whatever I started.  Books included.

So, our book club choice for this month is Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult, and I am not a fan.  Nope.  I am halfway through it and literally don't want to pick it up again.  It's not that I have anything against the subject matter, but I really don't want to read about it.  If you read it you'll understand.  But, I am a fan of Jodi's and will try to keep an open mind to finish this book.  Who knows, maybe I'll finish by the New Year!

Now, because I like to plan ahead (and buy books), I've already picked out my next book when I'm done with this one.  I opted for a no-brainer, never fail, always end up crying choice, and went with Nicholas Sparks new one, The Best of Me.  I literally can't wait to dive into this one since I'm suffering in book hell right now.  I am looking forward to snuggling all day on Sunday with this one.

I wish for all of you to have a very happy and healthy 2012.  I cannot thank you enough for continuing to read my blog, and I hope to keep inspiring you to love your life.... and books.

Happy New Year!

Change

Don't worry, I like you the way you are.  I'm not trying to change you.  It's my life that I want to make the changes in, and it starts here on my little blog.  Sometimes it's just a different outlook that can make all the difference.  

Now I think (this is new to me too), you can change the outlook to what you want in the upper left corner.  My favorite is the mosaic, as it looks like my blog went though the blender and the best parts are showing.  

So, as with the blog, I am trying to change my own outlook to see if that's where I get stuck.  We all know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  I am simply trying to break free from the insanity.

And I simply love change.

I simply wish I could remember that more often.

What can you change today that will make your day better?

One last week

This is literally my favorite week of the year.  The week before New Years is, for me, the most hopeful-what-can-I-dream-up-for-next-year time of the year.  And if you're anything like me, you might be anxious for 2011 to be O. V. E. R., so I am twice as giddy as last year at this time.

Now is when I really sit down and try to figure out what I would like to accomplish for the next year, and if you've never done this, I highly encourage it.  One lesson I've learned over the years is you have to give any thing you want attention.  Whatever you give all your attention to will grow, so be careful what you wish for, and then make a conscience decision to make it a part of your life.

My main goal for next year?  That's simple... happiness.  Plain and simple as that.  I am going to figure out what I need in my life on a regular basis to maintain a happy outlook.  I know I won't be getting a new job or winning the lottery any time soon, so I'll have to find it the old fashioned way:  hard-work and determination.  I'm also not interested in the rose-colored glasses that fade the reality of life.  Nope, I want life, problems and all, and still be happy.

After reading The Happiness Project this year, I knew that I was going to need an actual plan for this, and not just wish for happiness.  It doesn't just happen and must be a deliberate change in thinking if it doesn't come naturally for you (like me!).  I have made lists, goals, and trying to plan for each month, so this eventually will be a natural feeling.

My biggest obstacle is and most likely will alway be, not letting outside forces (people) effect my mood.  I am so easily changed by everyone in my household on a daily basis.  I react to everyone around me and let that rule how I feel, and that is going to be the hardest habit to break.

So join me this week in finding what you will need to make 2012 a better year.  It doesn't matter what your wish it, as long as it's important to you.  I'm curious to see how my own project will unfold, and excited at just the thought of it.  Of course I'll include you along the way with the ups and downs of what is going on, and hopefully inspire you to make some changes of your own.

Here's to the last week of 2011!

Fake it till you make it

No, it's not inappropriate Thursday.  I don't mean faking it... unless, of course, you need to.


It's one of those sayings I've always kinda ignored and would be annoyed when people did use this cliche.   I mean, really, why should we have to fake anything?  But still, I am not bouncing back from last week (wahmbulance anyone?) and this Christmas is not waiting for me to catch up.  Once again, I need to pull out the big girl panties and paint a smile on my face.  Eventually I will catch up and that's all that matters.


What I am noticing though, is that the more I start off pretending to be happy and 'tis the season', the more I am carried away by that feeling.   They say that the mere act of smiling is not only contagious, but can actually change your mood the more you do it.  By smiling, you can lighten someone else's day, and that in turn will lighten your own.  

I really do believe that giving is far more gratifying than receiving, and sometimes the best thing you can give is free.  


It may be priceless to the person receiving it, and you never know what someone else is going through, so sometimes a little kindness is the perfect gift that just keeps on giving.  

Rejection

Set your timer:  For the next 15 minutes, write about rejection and what it means to you.

Since I've avoided this assignment for so long now, I feel like I really should just get it over with.  I mean, it's rejection... big deal.  Who hasn't been rejected at least once in their lives? 

I guess a part of me, and most likely everyone else, rejection is taken as a personal attack on our character.  Negative opinions (and sometimes no opinion) make us beleive that those views are about our selves, and not our work.  Now, being a writer, I know that every word I write is a reflection of me, so how could I not take any rejection as well, a personal rejection?  How can the two be seperated? 

I have spent the greater part of the last year working on Jr. Nationals, hoping that all of our hard work, meetings, paperwork, emails, and money would be well received by the skaters, coaches and judges.  Well it was, but there are still a few moments that I remember from last week that I would rather forget.  The angry parent.  The disgruntled coach.  The pushy volunteer.  I don't readily remember the good stuff, I remember the moments that made me feel like I didn't do enough, or rather, the moments when people rejected our grand plan. 

Out of 20 compliments, why do we remember the one rejection?

The end of the year always makes me look at my life and see what I can make better.  I think this rejection phobia literally stops me from doing things I'd like to do, and stops me from living and enjoying life.  I spend a great deal of time worrying about what others will think about what I'm doing, wearing, or even writing, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. 

I think this kind of wisdom comes with age.  It has to be learned over time.  True, some people are born to not care about what others think, but I am not one of them.  It is a very difficult habit to break, but I think at this point in my life, and having the year I just had, it will be a bit easier for me. 

What will you be working on next year?

Hope

Because it it one week away from the big event and I have nothing to give to you, I'll just try to inspire myself :)

#1. Because I've been complaining for the past two days about everything from nasty parents to bad sandwiches from Jimmy Johns.  I mean really, is there such a thing?

#2  Because I need one... okay two.

#3.  Because my fear and anxiety are out of control lately.  See #2.

#4.  Because I need something to look at :)  And really, I like to look at him even when I'm not stressed out.

#5.  Because I forget this all the time.

Have a fabulous weekend!

I'd like to take a moment and thank the makers of Pinterest for giving me inspiration when I need it most!  Happy Pinning!

Gratitude

This past week has been all about gratitude, and it almost makes me cringe to say I've been anything but grateful.  Here I am, in the midst of a beautiful life, and I've had to work today in trying to find things to be grateful for.  So I thought I'd put it all out there and see if jumping into an ice cold gratitude pool will jolt me awake.

Lazy Sundays

Working from home

Criminal Minds Marathons

Pictures

Texting

Facebook notifications

Taking my time cooking dinner (instead of the weeknight rush)

Baking cookies

Eating cookies :)

The satisfaction you get from doing 6 loads of laundry in a day.

Organizing for the week

Grocery shopping before the Sunday crowd

Having the day off of work

All three boys playing X-Box

Pajama days

Candles and the fire going all day

Sleepy dogs by the fire

Being lazy and productive at the same time.  Pro-lazy?

NAPS

Picking up a book I've been wanting to read for a while

The calm before the storm...

And that was literally just for today.  So often, we walk around in denial, not even trying to own our good stuff.  The blinders we have on are blocking from our view and creating unnecessary drama in our lives.  

Life is not perfect.  

We are not perfect.

The people in our lives are not perfect.

But I also believe that our lives are a perfect combination of our choices and divine intervention.  The stuff that annoys us the most are also our biggest life lessons.  I really believe we're supposed to learn from all the junk in our lives, and figure out a way to be thankful for everything... good, bad, and ugly.  

*Big sigh*

Now doesn't that feel better?  It's definitely more of a challenge to jump into the pool, but once you do, it really is quite refreshing.  It's amazing how often we over look the simplest things, but it's those things that make our lives so much better.

Now, before tonight is over, jump into your own gratitude pool and see what you can come up with.

Happy Sunday...

Fickle Minds

Set your timer: If you have more than one project going, which one do you want to work on above all others?

In a nutshell, this is the story of my life, and I didn't even know it.

For years, I have been bouncing from project to project (including this one), and never really committing to any of them. Each one that comes around is THE ONE that is going to settle me down and force me to grow up as a writer. How I ever finished two novels in the past I'll never know. The only thing I can think of is they were before I started a desk job. I think I've lost creativity along the way with this job, having to focus on the numbers and management. True, I've learned a ton and really wouldn't trade it for the world, but there are days that go by without any creativity at all, and that is just sad to me.

The one thing that Jr. Nationals has taught me is that I don't love being in charge of something so big... so daunting. I haven't enjoyed much of the planning, and really find it tedious and petty. I know it'll be fabulous when it's going on, but it has really put the rest of my life on hold for so long now, and lately, I'm really itching to get back to me again.

That's why I started yoga again, which I figured out why I don't work out every day :) But I did do 4 days this week, four more than last week. And I will keep up with it, because I really do feel better when I'm done. I am a better me when I get to do the things that bring me joy.

So, back to the question at hand: Which project do you want to work on above all others? My answer is this one. I want to finish this book before I move into Isabelle's life. For the first time in years, I simply want to say I finished it, and from here on our I am going to live by the words finish what you start.

Being fickle might be fun for a while, but eventually, you just have to commit.

21 Days

Did you know it takes 21 Days to create a new habit? It does, and I'm hoping it'll take 21 days to change my life.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to take a 21 day yoga challenge. I'm not following any special program or signed up on any new websites with daily emails. And I'm certainly not going to diet.

Nope, this is just me... with an iPad and a yoga video that I can't get through without wanting to cry. By the end of the 21 days I am hoping that not only will I be strong enough to get through, but will love it so much, I won't stop.

Exactly 5 weeks from now, I will be gearing up for one of the longest weeks I've ever had, and I'll need every bit of focus, strength, and calm I am hoping to get out of the yoga challenge. I am dreading it like I dreaded childbirth. Yes, it's that bad. There is no turning back, but if I could I would. I know I've bitched about this for the past year, but the amount of extra work, worry and stress it has put on me (okay, I put it on myself like a sweater) has been life changing... and not in a good way.

I'm sure Toby would like his wife back. The one who has a sense of humor.
I'm sure my kids think I'm possessed.
I'm sure everyone at work is sick of hearing about the fact that I don't have a medical staff yet. And why in the hell did I agree to take that committee on anyways?
I'm sure my friends would like it if I could just relax.

To which I reply: "Have you met me?"

I will not relax, nor do I even know how to. I can eat cookies and drink wine, but eventually the buzz from both wears off and the whole I'm too fat vicious cycle rears it's ugly head.

I'm pretty sure it's an Angel whispering in my ear to start this challenge. I couldn't think of something like this on my own with only 5 weeks to go, and Lord only knows how much I need this if I'm actually agreeing to it. I'm calling it my divine intervention (pun completely intended) and checking myself into the yoga rehab for 21 days.

Yoga rehab. I like that.

I hope you all have Angels on your shoulders whispering sweet ideas into your head. Take a moment to listen to them and see what you could do :)

ruts

So I feel as though I've slipped and fallen off the Happiness Wagon.  


Perhaps it hit a rut.


Most likely I have.


They say, all work and no play make for a very cranky day, and most moms know, it's completely true.  I work.  I cook.  I do laundry.  I taxi.  I ....I....I.


I'm trying to get out of this rut, and even noticing the rut has to count for something, but life is taking over my happiness and it just makes me wonder, at what point does life become happiness?  This is the essence of Be Happy.  Knowing that you are already happy, and just pushing it away because you get something out of being unhappy.  We spend so much time trying to find our way to happiness instead of just letting it be.  We (and when I say we, I mean me) feel like something has to be achieved, bought, or done in order for happiness to settle.  

It's all a big lie.  


Happiness just is, whether we recognize it or not.  It's with us all the time, and most of the time we just ignore it.


Which leads me to my happiness project.  Life is too short not to be happy, no matter what.  Most likely we will still have our jobs and bills 5, 10 years from now, so we might as well learn to make peace and find a way to accept it.  


The only way to get out of a rut is to do something different... over and over again.  It's not easy, but I am going to try and figure this thing out.  Is there really any other choice?

Friday Fun

Seeing as how I am still reading my Friday Reads choice from about a month ago, I'd say it's time to move forward with something else right now.  And I don't know about you, but I am in need of some FUN in life.  This all work and no play is for the birds.  Angry birds, that is.

So, yes, I am still reading Lost and Found, and really do love it.  Sadly, I just don't have the time or inclination to read often right now.  I have figured out that when I am this busy at work, I really have to just do NOTHING on down time.  Nothing is good.  Nothing allows me to watch Revenge and Modern Family and maybe a little Y & R every now and then.

I was looking on a few of my favorite websites yesterday and came across 5 Loves and a Dud over on Chick Lit is Not Dead.  First of all, I love any of these questionnaires that can tell us more about the people we are reading.  I almost feel like I know them after reading something like that.  And of course, I always want to write one of these myself.  So my Friday Fun is about 5 Loves and a Dud.

5 Loves:

1. Down time.  I have to say, if there is anything I have learned to love in the past two months, it's a little down time.  Unfortunately, I haven't experienced it enough lately, but when I do, it's literally the best part of my week.  Sad, I know.  The biggest problem I have is when I do have an occasional moment to myself, I can't unwind or relax.  I will always be a work in progress I guess.
2. Inappropriate Thursdays.  Yes, I said it, and I pray that no one at Corporate reads this blog.  For whatever reason, things will get a little raunchy at work on those days and we will sit and giggle like 12 year-olds about the stupidest things.  For instance, yesterday Debbie was desperate to fit the word tongued into her Words with Friends game, which led us to a discussion of whether it was even a word (it is!), and then of course we had to fit it into a sentence.  Not pretty, and I'm sure I revealed too much, but boy did we giggle.  I'm giggling thinking about it now.

3. Sunday Comfort Meals.  There is something to be said about working all day on Sunday, then coming home to a glass of wine and preparing a meal that will comfort old and young.  A few weeks ago I made sausage lasagna roll ups, and it was the most heavenly experience.  It makes it all okay, and I find myself ready to face the week a little better then.  Mmmmm, love comfort meals.

4. Going to Movies.  Here is another thing I just don't do enough.  I love, love, LOVE, going to movies.  It is one thing that never disappoints me.  Even if the movie is just okay, I still have the popcorn.  I loved the hushed theater.  I love thinking about how the writers, directors, and editors worked behind the scenes to create the movie.  I love it all.  And then when there's a movie with Ryan Gosling?  Wow... I think that says it all.

5. Books.  I can't explain my obsession with books.  It is the one true thing in my life that has been a constant since I was a kid... besides the whole skating thing.  They comfort me in a way I can't describe, but I'll try.  We all know I'm not reading much right now, but it hasn't stopped me from weekly trips to the library and scouring the web for new books.  I want to see what's coming out, who's writing what, and what's popular.  I keep checking books out thinking my down time will consist of reading an entire book in one sitting.  Not so much, but it's not for lack of trying. 

One Dud

1. Guilt.  Nothing can ruin a mood, moment, or life even, than a giant plate of guilt.  Maybe it's a woman thing or a Catholic thing, but I have been guilty my whole life, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it!  I know I will never be "guilt-free", but I am trying to manage it a little bit better.  I am caring a little less about what other's think, which is #1 in the Guilt Commandments.  I'm just trying to figure out what I like and letting go of the baggage of my thoughts.  Stop laughing... I'm really trying. 

So there you have it... 5 Loves and a Dud on a Fun Friday.

I hope you can have a Fun Friday too!

pause

Did you ever wish there was a pause button in life?  A secret panel we could go to that could either pause, fast-forward, or even rewind moments during our day?  Some days it seems that we may be stuck in one of those modes, either in fast-forward or the dreaded slow-motion work day.  


It is clear to me that everyone around me is in the same boat in a lake called Chaos.  When I talk to other moms it's as if busy was a competition and everyone is trying to win.  Kids are over scheduled and under-slept.  Hell, we are over-scheduled and under-slept.  I don't know anyone who is living the life of their dreams, and that is probably the saddest statement I have ever written.  


In the past month I have been trying to get a grip on my mood swings, and honestly feel better than I have in a while.  However, I have noticed that the things I love to do have fallen by the wayside and I am still trying to fill the planner instead of finding some open space.  I have completely missed the pause button.  


One of my learn to skate parents buried her husband on Saturday.  He was in his 40's and had been sick for quite some time.  She was in yesterday with her daughter, and all I could do was hug her to let her know that she wasn't alone.  I barely know her, and yet I felt compelled to comfort this broken woman.  I don't know if it helped her, but in an odd way I felt better.


So last night I made a decision to pause at least once a day to try and remember what life is all about.  It isn't about winning, working the hardest, and having the most things.  It's about surrounding yourself with the people and things you love, so that even Lake Chaos feels less wavy.  


I know our lives won't change anytime soon, so you might as well learn to go with the flow and enjoy who you're with and what you're doing.  


And every now and then pause to remember why you're here.

Light

At Christmastime, my mom used to go a little crazy in the head.  You may think I'm kidding, but if you knew her, you know exactly what I mean.  Christmas was hands-down her favorite time of year when she could shop and decorate to her little heart's desire.  


And by decorate I mean Snow Village.

This isn't hers, but it was similar...and by similar, I mean bigger

For those of you who have no idea what Snow Village is let me explain.  It is another world.  I'm not even sure if it's even still popular, but I'm sure there's someone who still collects the houses and stores, trees, cars, people, animals, fake snow,and of course those little light fixtures that go inside each home.  My mom built a village every freakin year.  (Yes, she is giggling from the grave right now.)  She always joked that I would get the Snow Village after she was gone, because she knew I would take the time to put it up.  And I have to say, after all these years, I kinda miss it.  


My favorite part was going over there in the evening and viewing it all lit up.  All the houses looked cozy with the soft glow of lighting and always reminded me of hot chocolate and warm cookies.  


Today, because of the dreariness, I am reminded of that soft glow of lighting and it got me thinking.... can we cast a light ourselves on the people around us?  Can we light up today just by being "lighter" to the people around us?  I am going to try since today is Monday, and dreary, and simply because I know it will make a difference.  


Is your light on?  


Oh, and if you know anyone who collects Snow Village, I have a few pieces I could sell them :)

Happy

It dawned on me last night as I was reading my happy book, that I had stopped writing about the words in my blog.  I had started this because I truly believe that when we live our lives according to certain words, our lives change for the better (or worse, depending on your words).  For instance, when we try to go through our day with strength on the brain, we might make different choices.  Some people need calm while others might need a dose of energy.  All of the words mean something different to everyone and that's what is so perfect about it.  The words are yours to live.  


Let me repeat that:  

The words are yours to live.

How could I have forgotten this?  Told y'all I was lost.  Well, I'm back and working on the word happy at the moment.  I lost happy too somewhere along the path, and I have been on a search for it the past two weeks (see below).  

What I have learned that it was never really gone, but that I just have a knack for finding all the crap in life to worry and stress about.  Somewhere along the path, I stopped looking at the flowers and could only see the weeds.  And I hate weeds.

So my word today, and every day, is happy.  I will leave you with this since I think it sums it up pretty darn good.

Have a happy day.

Friday Reads

Good Morning!

For some reason, I am up with the chickens this morning and wanting to write.  And when that happens, I don't ask why, it's best to just go with it.  When God gives you time to write, you take it, no questions asked.

So last Friday I posted on here the book Be Happy, and I'm happy to say that I still love it.  It wasn't a one-chapter wonder like many self-help books are, and I have found the exercises in it profound.  This one is the real deal, and even though I am still reading and learning, I am going to move onto another book this week because fiction is a callin'!  What?  You've never read two books at once and kept up with the new Fall line up of shows?  

This week I am starting Lost and Found by Jacqueline Sheehan.  After searching for hours for a new book, I finally found this one.  I have to admit that I read the reviews much more than I ever used to, and everyone seemed to love this story.  I haven't started it yet (again, catching up on Fall programming is killing me), but I do know this Buddy-look alike is one of the main characters.  Plus, I have been lost for about a month now, and would like to be found myself.  


Win-win.


I hope you all have a Fabulous Friday!

Friday Reads

Yes, I am aware that if this were a true column, I'd probably be fired by now.  As much as I was looking forward to Fall and the change of schedules, I am not as good at transitioning as I used to be.  Mornings are busy, nights are busy, and I am somewhere lost in between.  Lost being the operative word here.

I've been here before, written about it many times, and know that some of you are on this island with me.  And like the fictional TV show Lost, this island will haunt you till you think you're losing your mind.  Just between you and me though, I'm really hoping we're not all dead and this is limbo.  That would totally suck.

Anyhoo, reading is really not my favorite thing to do when I'm here.  I'm too distracted thinking "poor me" thoughts to focus on anything good, so when I came across a book called Be Happy  by Robert Holden last weekend, I thought what the hell?

I'm only about a quarter of the way through it, and almost gave up on it till this morning when I got to Chapter 6, A Tale of Two Selves.  Now I'm hooked and starting to see that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.  Granted, it's a long tunnel in that this is supposed to be an "8-week course," but I am finding that this might be the rope to pull me out of my apathetic, self-destructive ways.

So, if you're feeling a little lost like I am, get yourself a copy and follow along with me.  Life is too short to be lost on a lonely, twisted island with nothing good to read.  Join me, won't you?

Chocolate therapy

I know you all know what I mean by chocolate therapy.

It's comfort.
It's happiness.
Sundays Somedays, it's even love.

This is one of those days.  This is one of those days when not even a cookie will do...I need a brownie.  And surprisingly, I find that brownies are even easier to make than cookies, require less ingredients, and make the entire home smell like the Keebler tree house in no time!

Usually a box mix will do, but since Toby did the shopping (with Evan no less) there will be no mixes this week.  So from scratch it is!  Any cookbook will have a basic brownie recipe, but my favorite ones require you to melt the butter with the chocolate before adding it to the sugar.  Mmmmmm.  They make the best batter.

Sigh....

As I sit here, the calm before the storm of this week, I can bake and write, knowing tonight will be peaceful.  No games.  Homework is done (cross your fingers).  And I am writing/reading after an extremely long day.

So, hopefully I have encouraged you to get out your mixers tonight and enjoy this last bit of summer.

"My Favorite Brownie"

1 Stick butter
2 oz unsweetened chocolate (I didn't have that so just used some chocolate chips instead.  That I ALWAYS  have.
1 Cup Sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
2/3 cup flour
1/2 cup chopped pecans (optional)

Melt the butter and chocolate over low heat.  Remove and cool slightly.  Blend in sugar and vanilla, and beat eggs in one at a time.  Stir in salt, baking powder, flour, and nuts.

Bake @ 350 for 20-25 minutes until set in center.  Do not cool before cutting and burning your tongue on a piping hot corner piece.  Or if you're really having a day, skip dinner and enjoy a warm brownie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top.

How's that for some chocolate therapy?

Have a fabulous week!

Momma always said there'd be days like this...

I cannot wait for this moment in time.

Fear

Set your timer:  Everyone has fears.  Write about yours and how you can overcome them and continue to write.  How do you take your thoughts away from the fear?

It's so strange sometimes.  These "assignments" come to me when I need them most, and force me to look at my life differently.  I am nothing without my fear, and my fear is nothing without me.

Think about it.

Most of my days are consumed with fears about my family.  On any given day I will have these various thoughts go through my head:

• Is Ev okay?  He seems down today.  Does he hate me?  Does he even care enough to hate?
• Am I doing enough for Blake?  He seems bored today, what can I do/buy/be for him to get him UNBORED.  (Yes, I know that's not really a word, but it should be.)
• Works sucks.  Learn to skate starts Sunday and I'm not ready.  Everyone wants something from me right now, and I'm stuck in between the rink and the Club.  I hate working.  Do I have enough hours?  I don't want to work ALL DAY SUNDAY.  
• I don't even have enough time to get started on the money worry.  That's a whole new post.

I like to think of myself of a 'glass half-full kinda girl' but I really think I'm pretending.  It's all a big show for everyone and I'm this giant pessimist who can't go 5 minutes without a bad thought.  I don't know if that's really true, but I do know that my fear has a way of paralyzing me into apathy.  My life and fears have changed so drastically in the past 3 years, and it seems that I never escape it.  

I have been working lately on trying to drag my mind away from it and focus on other things when things seem bad.  Fear and worry will eat you alive from the inside out and leave you with nothing.  And it's not as if we're fixing anything by worrying... it's just worrying for the sake of worrying.  I saw a sign the other day for a yoga site and it's tag line was "Worrier or Warrior?" and I thought how completely genius.  In other words, sit and worry or choose strength.  

I know I'll still worry and probably never stop.  Goes hand and hand with being a mom.  However, just saying worrier or warrior to myself forces me to see what I'm doing, and then I have the choice to be something different.  I like to have choices.

I hope you all can relate and try to have a warrior day!

Green with envy

Set your timer: Write about someone you admire/envy. There's a fine line between admiration and envy... does it spur you on or stop you from writing?
It's funny, because I have both kinds of people like this in my life. There are definitely people I envy, mostly because of their lifestyle, and it's not the kind of feeling I like to carry with me. Resentment comes to mind, and that is never a good feeling. It completely stops me from any kind of growth or creativity, and usually has everything to do with money. It's silly really. Being around these people too much will leave me with the worst case of ungratefulness, and everyone suffers then. Be very leery of people like this.
Then there are the people I know (or have websites I adore) who truly, completely, 100% inspire me to stay true to course. For instance, I was waiting on a customer today and asked about her husband who recently took on a new job. "He couldn't be happier," she said. "It's all come full circle and he is living his dream right now." We can go both ways with this. We can either be happy for him and begin to wonder what that "dream job" would be for us, or we can wallow in our own misery and never change a thing. I literally thought about her comment all the way home, and couldn't wait to write about it tonight.
Yes, I chose wisely.
There are other places I go for the inspiration. My favorite spots are The Pioneer Woman or I Heart Organizing (you can find the links on the right side of my page). Both of these women have created a HUGE following just by blogging what they love. It seems they never rest, or watch tv, or have a bad day, and when they do, I giggle knowing we're really all the same. Even if they haven't posted, I usually check in daily and have 'liked' them on Facebook to stay updated. They are my online heroes.
Sometimes surrounding yourself with people who lift you up can be just a click away. Look around you for those you admire, and try to figure out how you can a little bit of them into your own life. You'll be amazed how much better it feels than resentment.
Although, there is also something to be said for the occasional case of Turrets.
Have a fabulous week, my friends!!

Rejection

Set your timer: For the next 15 minutes write about a time when you were rejected and why.

I really don't like this one... again. I know, I say that way too much, but for some reason, the topics really get the best of me sometimes. I know that we can only grow when we face the things that bug us the most, but no one ever said you had to like it.

Rejection. Honestly it comes to us in many ways.

It can be the nasty parent who claims that my learn to skate program stinks.
It can be the son (or daughter) who wants nothing to do with you.
It can be the spouse that thinks of himself first. (Now, while this might not really be rejection, it feels like it at the time.)
It can be a parent that forgets a birthday.
Or one that dies too suddenly, for that matter.
It can be the letter that comes in the mail that says, 'No, thank you. We're not interested.'

Yes, I have had many of those, to the point of giving up all together. Well, not really giving up, I guess, but at one point I did decide to write because I just loved to do it, and not worry about the rest. If it was meant to be, it will happen. I do believe in fate, and I believe that I'm supposed to be more than a skating director. I also like to think that I needed this time to learn more about what I wanted to write, and create something that was incredible.

So I continue to write and hope that it reaches you. And I hope that because I continue to do this, you'll continue to read and be inspired, perhaps to do your own thing. Ultimately, that is the real goal.

Just little ol' me, spreading the love. I hope you're catching it.

eddiction

Set your timer:  Compose an email to a friend explaining what you did last night.  Paint a picture of that evening for her.

Just off the record, there are days my "e"ddiction takes over my life.  The whole purpose of an iPhone is to make your life easier, right?  Well, somedays it just makes one distraction lead into another.  An email into a text, into a fb message, into a tweet, into... well, you get my drift.  There are days I literally start twitching when my phone chimes.  However, on the flipside, when I forget my phone I tend to feel a little lost without it.  It is absolutely a lose-lose situation.  And I'm going to call it "i"ddiction from here on out.


To:  All my peeps
Subject:  About last night

We could also call this the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Let me start with the good:  It was a Tuesday night with nothing to do.  No games, no practices, and NO MEETINGS!!  I picked Evan up at 5:30 and headed home for the night, which is something we haven't done in  what feels like forever.  First I do my nails because the past two day have destroyed them.  I miss my longer nails already and my hands look stubby again.  Yuck.  Next I open a bottle of wine and start to make dinner, bubble pizza!

It's a new recipe, but super easy so Blake wanders in to help cut the biscuits.  Pandora is playing, we are cooking, and wine is always good.  I pop it in the oven to bake for 30 min and pick up the book I've been trying to finish this week, The Provence Cure for the Brokenhearted, by Bridget Asher.

Okay, so wine, cooking, and reading?   And it's only 6:45?  Shut the front door!

So the bubble pizza is a huge hit, my only wish is that we had a salad to go with it.  I will remember next time.  But as far as recipes go, it is easy, everyone loved it, and all was well with the world.

I read till about 10:30 when I finished the book, yes, with tears streaming down my face.  Great book, great ending... LOVED.  (this is officially the end of the good portion of my evening.)

The Bad:  So, I'm a little wound up from the book and can't go up to bed yet.  I hop on the computer to see what is next for Evan at school.  I love the school website and how well the teachers keep everything updated.  Except now, on the calendar, there is something that is red.  Red is not good when all I've seen is black so far.  It's indicating that the religion homework he was doing last night is now MISSING.  Now I'm seeing red.  My stomach turns and instantly all of the last two years comes flooding back into my senses.

The UGLY:  I stomp upstairs, loud enough for him to hear me coming, open his door without knocking, and question him.  I got the same exact responses from last year, to which I stopped listening and walked out.  I stomp around a little more, not sure what to do, when it hits me.  Zero tolerance, that's what we said two weeks ago.  "You can have a social life as long as you keep your grades up," is what we told him.  I marched back in, took his phone and iPod, knowing this is where it hits him the hardest.  He is not happy, but doesn't argue or fight.  He hands them over and looks pathetic in the process.

I simply hate this part of parenting.

So there you have it.  The good, the bad, and the ugly that we call Tuesday.  I am hoping for a better Wednesday.

fickle minds

set your timer: take 15 minutes today and write about the next project you want to dedicate your time to. If you have many projects in the air, pick one and go with it.
This is my wake up call. I literally have 3 ideas floating around in my head, and it's only when I try to commit to one, do the others sound more interesting. It's the most bizarre thing. I'm calling it ADD of the writer's mind, I never used to be like this till the past couple years. I know the old saying, "when the going gets tough, the tough get goin."
Am I not tough enough to get goin? I can't figure it out. I will daydream about a writing space all day long, but whenever I have longer than 15 minutes to write, I freeze. I have no idea where to start or even what to start with. Is it fickle or fright?
All I want is a class that is about writing a novel. I want a list of things to do, so I can check them off and stop wondering what I'm supposed to do next. I want a daily goal of what needs to be accomplished.
Basically I want a writing babysitter. A writing drill sergeant. A writer's bootcamp. YES!
I'm not fickle, I'm floundering. I want to be guided through the process and have homework, and deadlines, and assignments that make me cringe because I couldn't possibly get that done on time.
So here's the deal. We all know I love the idea of a challenge (notice I said the idea... not the actual challenge), and it just so happens that I have 10 more Pen On Fire exercises. I am going to give myself 10 days to complete them.
Yes, I just committed to writing at least 1 a day, or 10 in one day if I so choose to do that. By September 7th I want them done, so I can get into the process of editing them. Anyone out there like to proof read?
Thank you for your patience.

Friday

I don't have a book to read this week.

Okay, that's not entirely true.  I have LOTS of books to read, but can't sit still long enough to read a page from any of them, so I'm officially taking a week retreat from picking a book.  Last week's pick was another fast read from Emily Giffin, Love the One You're With.  I must say she has mastered the art of cheating so well, I squirm through most of her books waiting for someone to find out.  Good, but in a bad way... if you know what I mean.

I knew I couldn't go another day without writing to you.  I knew this in the way you know you have to go to church after missing a couple Sundays.  Part guilt.  Part obligation.  And part knowing I'll feel way better getting this out there.

I don't have much to say other than the first week of Evan's high school has come to an end, happily uneventful.   The stress it has caused not only me, but many other mothers is amazing to me.  As teenagers, they have changed so drastically, and I can honestly say I want my little boy back.  But the corner has been turned (them running around it, us following), and there really is no going back.  As someone told me recently, "They'll leave you for about 8 years... then come back."  I remember looking at her to see if she was joking.  She wasn't.

There's not much we can do but stick together.  Given the circumstances, our friends might be the only ones who really get what we're going through.  The husbands don't miss the baby days.  They don't miss scraped knees and kissing boo-boos.  They don't miss Dora, Little Bear, and Kipper.  And they certainly don't miss sleepless nights.

I'd give anything for a sleepless night just because they were hungry at 2 am.  Now, I'm still up at that time wondering if he's okay.  If he's doing all the terrible things we see on TV about teens these days.

If he still needs us at all.

So, I decided we needed a giggle.

The week is over, and the sun is shining.

No earthquakes or hurricanes will hit us anytime soon.

We have all that we really need, God has made sure of that.

We still have the choice to be thankful instead of fearful.

I can write and hopefully that is something that will make you giggle, or at least smile and nod.  Raising teens can be daunting and feel a little like we're on our own.  I don't want it to be that way... we have to lean on each other and get through it together.

So, text, comment, and answer the phone when it rings.  There is love on the other end who just might need you too.


Have a fabulous weekend!!

Friday Reads

Good morning! I cannot believe how insanely busy the last two weeks have been, and I, for one am ready to get back to living again. Yep, more reading, more writing, more laughter.

So, with the hardest part of my summer over, I am desperately in need of a book that is light, fast-paced (so I don't put it down), and maybe a little lovey-dovey. I scoured the web this morning on all my favorite sites, and think I have found the perfect book for the day:

Love the One You're With, by Emily Giffin is my #fridayreads choice! I honestly don't even remember seeing this book by her before, and literally can't wait for the library to open so I can go get it. The best thing about Emily's books is while they are considered "Chick Lit" I believe they are smart, real, and very thoughtful all the while being light, fast-paced, and maybe a little lovey-dovey.

Can you feel my excitement? I hope you all find a fun Friday Read today...

Happiness is...

10 Things I loved about this weekend:


1.  Laughter and LOTS of it.
2.  My birthday was not only the longest day ever, but the best day ever.  That never happens.
3.  Being surrounded by love All.  The.  Time.
4.  Having a rink-full of people sing happy birthday to me.
5.  Seeing The Help.  More laughter, tears, and love.
6.  Having Jackie create the ugliest corsage EVER.
7.  Snuggling in bed Saturday while it rained.  
8.  Drinks on Friday night, and dinner on Saturday night.
9.  Getting everyone I know to start "pinning"
10.  Closing the book on Van Camp.
Amen.


Have a fabulous day!  One of these days, I'll get back to what I do best... reading and writing :)

Celebrate

I used to hate my birthday for reasons I can't even remember now.  I guess I always felt it was kinda like New Year's Eve or something... almost a let down.  It never lived up to what I imagined it should be in my head. 

So I know you'll forgive me when I post pictures like this on my page :) I am done with the expectations, and completely all about celebrating the blessed life I have. 

Life is simply too short to do anything else...

PS... Due to a shortage of much needed sleep, time, and brain cells, the #fridayreads portion of this blog will be posted on Sunday this week!  Tune in Sunday...

housework

Set your timer:  For the next 15 minutes write about someone who is obsessed with cleaning.

For those of you who know me, this one is a stretch.  I would rather organize than clean, but the more I thought about it, I think they're the same thing.  I could work for hours on a closet, trying to find the perfect use for it, making sure everything has a place.  I will sit and plan out the week every Sunday morning, and have even added coupon clipping to that chore. 

I love it.  Makes me feel like I'm actually accomplishing something.  But nitty, gritty cleaning?  I despise it, and have wanted a cleaning lady for years.  If only...sigh.  So here it goes:

Cheryl looked at her calendar hanging on the fridge to see what she had to do today.  Of course, she didn't really need to look since she had been on the same cleaning schedule for the past five years, but it made her feel good to know it was there.  A cleaning schedule based on her family and their needs.

Fridays:  Bathrooms and floors

She smiled to herself, knowing that most mothers weren't this disciplined with their cleaning.  Most didn't have any plan at all and it showed in their homes.  Dust on the coffee table.  Dog hair on the furniture.  Dirty sinks in the kitchen.  The thought of those things made Cheryl's skin crawl.  That would never happen here.

She even had a cleaning closet, a mecca of all her favorite cleaning products, just for her.  When they built this house three years ago, she insisted on the closet, even fighting with the contractor about where it should go.  On many occasions he wanted to tell her where it should go.  But, defeated, he took her "suggestions" and did what she wanted. 

Most people did.

Pulling out her cleaning caddy, she turned on her iPod to the Perfect Home Playlist, and set off for the bathrooms on the second floor. 

Today is going to be a fabulous day, she thought to herself...

Where does the time go?

Yesterday we were in Burger King in Saugatuck, and there was a young family there with a baby about 3-4 months old.  He was so tiny and the parents were taking turns holding him so the other one could eat.  They'd swap him off, each taking the child in the one arm-football hold that Toby and I know so well.  It was literally the only way we could get Evan to calm down most of the time... I know that position all too well.  Most people have spit up on their shoulders.  Ours were on our forearms. 

Flash forward 14 years and I'm sending that same "baby" to football camp.  I simply don't know where the time goes, nor why we are so unaware of it flying by.  Maybe we're just to busy and focused getting to the next stage and through the current phase to pay attention. 

I know I am guilty of it. 

I remember when Blake was a baby, and Gretchen came to visit.  "I would take ten of these instead of my one teen," she had said, and I remember thinking you're crazy!  Sleepless nights and constant mind-numbing duties?  Gimme the teen, I thought to myself.

Now I know exactly what she means.  We are no longer the center of their universe and Queen of their castle.  They have moved onto other loves and interests that we are not invited or even allowed to. 

We bug them.
We annoy them.
They seek us out only for money or food.

Evan is still the same loving kid he has always been.  The main part of his personality is still intact, but he is definitely pulling away, as he should be.  I know this is a normal part of parenting, and also why we long for that beautiful baby in our arms. 

We just want to be needed again, without an argument.  Without a heavy sigh or eye roll.  Without sarcasm. 

So I will leave you with this picture from yesterday, when the big boys decided it was okay to play with the little ones.  Linda and I were delighted to see that inside they were still kids at heart.  They were still them. 

Because of the sun, they are shadows, but I think that's fitting.  Max is clinging to Evan's back, and Blake is sitting on the shoulders of Ryan and Jake.  They stood there for several pictures because I think they too were content in that moment. 

Stay in the moment no matter what the age...

Friday Reads!

As I sit down to write this morning, I'm beginning to realize that I forgot to pick a #fridayreads for last week!  As I recall, I was preparing for root canal #2 this year, and my head just wasn't on straight with that. 

And it's funny because my pick for the week had less to do with finding a great book, and more to do with how to comfort myself.  Last Friday's pick was Sizzlin' Sixteen by Janet Evanovich.  I picked it because it's familiar and easy.  I know the characters.  I know the general flow of the books.  I've studied her writing for so long, I even can figure out where she is going by the end. 

Janet's writing is fast-paced, uncomplicated, and most of all, funny.  I picked this book because I wanted to laugh, and she didn't disappoint.  If you haven't read her stuff before, you have to start with One for the Money.  The beginning of the series is so fresh, and you simply can't help but fall in love with all of her characters. 

This week's pick comes to me by way of Linda.  I have to admit that I have already started it and, while I have a feeling I know how it will all end, I am enjoying the ride very much. 

Beautiful writing? Check
Great plot? check
Great characters with room to grow? check
A handsome love interest?  check

Reading this is like having a tall glass of lemonade on a really hot day.  It's refreshing, enjoyable, and just what is needed.  Now if we could add some vodka to that lemonade, it would be downright fabulous!

My favorite part about this book is that it's her second version of this book.  After geting the rights back from her first publication, she revised it to make it more enjoyable for the reader. 

Love that!

I hope you enjoy it too!

The Black Hole: TV

Set your timer: Keep a notebook of the amount of tv you watch in a week and assess whether you could find more time to write. Try to write a character in a series you watch, or watch half of one of your favorite shows and write the second half.
Well, duh. I don't need to keep a notebook to tell me that I'm watching too much tv. Speaking of Notebook, don't you just love Ryan Gosling?
Here's the deal:
I watch too much tv.
I love to go to the movies.
I love to read.
There are so many distracting things in my life, it's a wonder that I am able to write at all! But I did use this exercise to try and encourage some brainstorming for book ideas this past weekend. Two of my favorite movies were on this weekend and I taped them both: How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and The Proposal. Talk about a happy Saturday! If I could bottle them up and package it into a book I would.
These are the books I like to read and essentially, write. I just keep thinking the idea will come to me, in the middle of the night, and yet it hasn't. I have a hundred characters in my head that I love, but can't find them a home. Very frustrating, but at the same time, I know it's part of the package. I know that embracing all of it will make it happen sooner.
In the meantime, I'm going to catch up on a little Y and R.
Have a lovely day...

You Are What You Read

Set your timer: Take a page from a book you love and copy it down, feeling the author's words in your own. Now continue on using your own words, and notice the difference.
I have always heard (and hated) the expression you are what you eat. If that were the case, I'd be a chocolate chip cookie, pretty sweet and heartwarming I guess. I have never heard, you are what you read, but I'm finding it to be a little genius-y this morning. I believe it's the absolute truth, and in many cases, I think you can tell a lot about a person by the kinds of books they read.
That being said, here is what my choices in books says about me:
~ I have a need to self-improve. In other words, I'm not done yet.
~ I am a hopeless romantic.
~ I like to laugh.
~ I like to vacation.
~ I love my friends.
~ I love underdogs.
~ Kids and animals are the bomb.
~ I love my crazy family... yes, even though they drive me nuts.
~ I'm not sure I'll ever get over my mom's death.
See? You're looking over the list and nodding right now. It makes perfect sense that you are what you read. Books are our escape from real life, but at the same time, reminding us of who we are. And when we find that book that we love and tell everyone about, is possibly the one book that explains everything about us. When someone says they only read historical non-fiction, I might flinch. How can I be friends with you, I think to myself. Everyone is different, and that's what makes it perfect.
For better or for worse, we are a combination of all of our favorite books. They change us and the way we think, and for that reason alone, I want to write something that will change how someone views life. I want to open eyes to possibilities and connections that weren't there before. And I want them to smile.
What do your books say about you??

Revision

Set your timer: For the next 15 minutes, find a piece written a while ago, and read it out loud. See how it flows, or doesn't, and work on it till there's nothing left to do.
Out of all the aspects of writing, this is easily my least favorite. I hate revising, afraid of red pens, and up until recently, have thought of proofreaders as the devil. I literally start to sweat when I send something out for someone else to proof. But like the alcoholic blindsided by an intervention, I am beginning to see the harm in my evil thinking. Not only with this chapter, but I've been reading up on it for the past week in trying to get over my phobia over writing this exercise. I'm beginning to understand why I didn't finish this book the first time.
I have heard it for years, too, how writing the first draft is actually the easy part, and that writers will go through 10, 20, sometimes 50 revisions until they're happy with it.

Shoot me now.
However, read this part from an article I found on twitter recently:
In JK Rowling’s case, she realised after writing the entire first book that she had given away the entire plot of the seven books. She rewrote it in this light, and held many things back.
Now, imagine she didn't do those revisions. Where would we be without the masterpiece she ended up with? I am beginning to see how the planning and revising are just as important, (if not more) to the process than the actual writing of the first draft. First drafts suck and are supposed to. No one will ever write the perfect novel on the first try.
I have to get over myself and learn the beautiful craft of revisions and rewriting.
And I will finish this book...