Giving Thanks

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

I've been working on the gratitude again lately.  Really trying to make it a normal part of every day living, instead of finding it when things go off the rails.  And today it hit me, there is really a lot to be thankful for in our lives.

First of all I have made it a mission to be the best mom to these two yahoos...  And that is pretty cool.  They are funny, kind, thoughtful, and honestly going to be the best adults someday.  

Now everyday isn't perfect, and yes, they are still kids with lots of learning left to do, but getting to be a part of their lives is a gift every day.  They're kinda cute too :)

Which leads me to their father...

What can I say about a man who has made it a mission to make me laugh everyday.  Well, almost every day.  Again, it's not perfect, and I'm learning that no marriage ever is, but sometimes you have to go through the bad times to see the good times right in front of you.  

It's a work in progress, and probably always will be, but I know he will always be there through all the good and bad times.  

That's what marriage is all about.

And then there's the things like my family, crazy or not, who are going to be with you good, bad, or ugly.  

And my job, along with the co-workers, who are more like family than anything else.  We can drive each other crazy trying to manage the "Suburban Way" but I don't know what I'd do without them.  Now my corporate comrades are the bomb and make everyday brighter :)

Friends.  What would I do without the people who hold me up, make me laugh, send me text, read my books (and like them), Scandal-live-text with me.  Or Revenge.  Or Criminal Minds.  The list could go on and on, but I honestly don't know what I would do without texting my friends.  It's like a conversation that really never ends.  

And then there's the little things:  creamer in my coffee... gas fireplaces... warm cookies.  The little things we totally take for granted, but are there everyday making our lives a little richer somehow.  

books
iPads
heated seats
running buddies
good advice
chilled white wine
eating out
McDonalds breakfast and Starbucks coffee
pets
slippers
health
Netflix

So.  Much.  To.  Be.  Grateful.  For.

At the end of the day, we just have to send a thank you up to Heaven to the angels watching over us, and not just tomorrow... but every day.  Make it a habit that you start paying attention to what's good in your life instead of what's bad.  Change your perspective and see the goodness around you.

Change your life for the better.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and take the time to say thank you.

1 Question

Today I give you two videos, and I'm sorry if you're on your phone and can't get to them (not sure why that is), but definitely take the time later to find them on your computer.

I don't know when we begin to lose sight of ourselves, but when I watch stuff like this, it reminds me of why I'm here.  It is my job to remind you of the message in both of these videos.

we are enough.

we are perfect just the way we are.

we can find a way to rise above the nasty voice in our head.

I hope you enjoy them, and maybe even watch them a couple times to let the message sink in.

Have a fabulous weekend....

Shake It Off

Yes, I'm in T-Swifty mode today, and I'm not afraid of shouting it from right here in my corner of the web.

Shake it off, shake it off, woo woo hoo!

It's been out for a while, but for some reason I watched the video for the first time today.  And then I watched it again.  Why don't you take a moment and watch it too... I'll wait.

Fun, right?  But the thing is, as I was doing yoga today, the message of the class was to let go of the tension of what's holding you back, and to find peace in just being.  Let go of what's bothering you.

I know... It sounds a little out there, but it really wasn't.  And as I went through the class I found myself astounded at how tense I was in the beginning.  She started off in corpse pose, and I literally couldn't lay still.  My back was tight, my mind raced, and my shoulders were up to my ears (no easy feat, since I was on my back).

And then I came across this video and realized that it's kinda the same message.  

Let it go = Shake It Off

Shake off the haters, the fakers, and even the heart-breakers.  Let them go and don't let them invade your space.  

Yes, it's a stretch (pun intended) to connect Taylor and yoga, but for me it works.  

Yoga class not even necessary to learn this lesson.

And if you liked the video above and we're a fan of the 80's, then you'll love this video even more.  My son kept saying, "Is this for real?  This happened?"

Yes, Blaker, this happened.  I may have even participated in something like this once a long, long time ago in a land far, far away.

Have a Happy Friday!

Roles

What role are you playing in life?  If your life were a sitcom or heaven forbid, a drama, what would your part be?

Are you the dutiful, but wisecracking wife?

Are you the struggling parent trying to keep it all together?

Or are you the one who has the perfect life with a daily dose of humor?

The biggest problem with the roles we play is sometimes it's just that:  we're playing them.  Acting the part, instead of feeling whatever it is we're supposed to be feeling.  Our identity becomes so wrapped up in the role that you lose the part of you that is real.

You following me?

Sometimes we get so stuck in the role we're playing, constantly in character, and we forget the world is going to change, grow, and move on without us.

Motherhood (or one could say parenthood) is the biggest role in many of our lives.  And please don't misunderstand me... that role is the most important role you will ever have.  However, it is all consuming and as the kids get older, the role changes drastically.  That is the space I'm in right now.  I'm still a mom, and will ALWAYS love being a mom, but the role isn't 24/7 like it used to be.  Ten years ago was a lot different than it is now, and I'll admit I was a little unprepared for how quickly it all changed.  I think I loved the role ten years ago because I didn't have to think too much about the rest of life.  It was just all about the kids and what they needed.  

Sure, I found myself resentful sometimes... okay a lot of the time, but I took a lot of pride in it also.  

So I come back to this:  We are not the roles we are playing.  Those roles are a part of us, they they shouldn't define us.  The things that define us are the things that will always be a part of our lives no matter what else changes.  

The hobbies.

The likes and dislikes.

The things we do when no one is around.

Sports.

If you're wandering around wondering what to do, start digging in to see what interests you.  Check out the people in your life who inspire you and find out what they are doing.  Take a class.  Join a club.  Become involved in a cause you believe in.  Volunteer.

You never know what new role will fit till you try it out.  Will it be easy?  Absolutely not.  It will be hard and challenge you, but that is when you figure out who you really are.  

Life is good.

And you are worth the effort.

Happy Tuesday :) 

Starting Over

There are so many things going on in life right now, and I am constantly feeling the need to hit the Do-Over button.  If only there was one in life that would either take us back to the beginning or propel us to a future date when life wasn't so complicated.

As if a future time like that even existed.

I find myself lately wondering where the time has even gone.  Forget about the future... what happened to the past?  Was I so busy with kids and daily life, that I didn't notice that time was flying by?  I have pictures, so many pictures, that have documented that we indeed gave the kids a happy childhood, but somehow that part of our life is gone, and everything is different now.

The life I'm in right now seems to be one that is by default.  One that wasn't necessarily a vision of mine, but rather one that I have been bullied into (by myself, of course).  When you're in the hustle and bustle of "busy life" you merely get through the days, exhausted, drained, and grateful for the bed at night.  You don't dream of something different, because that would seem ungrateful, and no one ever wants to be ungrateful when it comes to family life.

Being a mom requires you to put everyone else first, and we do that with pride.  It's a badge of honor to be baking at midnight because someone forgot to tell you they are having a class party.

Or waiting in line to buy an entire homeroom breakfast burritos at Mickey D's.
Or sewing together the shoulder pads five times in a month.
Or the countless trips to school and back, everyday for 12+ years.
Or sitting in doctor's offices, hospitals, and in rocking chairs in the middle of the night.

We've all done it and should be proud.

However, it's all changing now, and we have to find our selves again.  The one who used to dream about life and the pursuit of goals.  The one who wants more than just a job to pay the bills, but something that feels like a calling.

And maybe it's just me, but I don't think so.

I am restless and feeling like this time is nearing the end, and something bigger (and hopefully better) is on the horizon.  Now is the time to maybe dust off the journal and start writing about what we really want our lives to look like.  What does the perfect day look like on paper?

Write it down.

And no, it shouldn't be drinking and baking all day.  I may or may not have had to cross that one out.  The main fact is some of us are hiding behind our daily life because you forgot how to dream.  I know I was.  But that has changed, and I'm in full-on reinvention mode.  I am trying new things.  Trying, for the first time in my life, to ignore what I perceive others are thinking about me, and just doing things that belong on a grateful list.

Which I write every day.

Word.

I know this isn't for everyone, and we all have a pace we're comfortable with, but if you're the tiniest bit restless like I am, then follow along.  I haven't been ignoring this blog, but rather, a bit uninspired to write the same stuff over and over again.

I finally feel like I have something to say to you again, and I hope you'll be listening.

Happy Wednesday :)

September Love

The calendar says September 1.

The leaves are already falling off the trees (a bit early, don't you think?).

And even Spotify graced me with a little Earth, Wind, and Fire this morning.  Do you remember...

So it must be true.  Summer is officially over, and we are launched into one of the busiest months of the year.  I know many of you have been dreading this.  You knew it was coming, and you clung to the end of summer like Linus with his blanket.

Not me.  I say bring it on.  Maybe it's my natural tendency to love change of any kind in my life.  It's keeps things fresh and new.  I'm rather done with summer and doing a little dance today.  I will neither confirm nor deny that I baked a batch of cookies for the occasion.

But I'm sure you already know.

I thought it was only fitting to do a September Top 10 in honor of the first day leading into the best season ever.

September's Top Ten

1. I will say what you're all thinking (even if you won't admit it).... The kids go back to school.  Yes, for some of us, this has already happened, but for everyone else, this is one of the happy days in our parental year.  
2. Things like schedules and family dinners are written into the planner again.  Practices, homework, games... these eat up the white space of our calendars, but for me, that's a good thing.  I do so much better when there is a plan of attack.  White space scares the hell out of me, and I end up watching entire SEASONS of a show on Netflix on a single day.  
3. Weather changes.  Is there anything better than Fall?  I know it doesn't officially begin till September 21, but I can always hope the weather isn't following the calendar too closely.
4. September means the rink will be quiet again during the day.  I'm not going to lie... This summer was hell for everyone involved, and I for one, am happy to be able to think clearly again.
5. Three words:  Hockey season begins.
6. Football is back on TV.  I've never been the biggest fan of football, but I don't mind it on, especially if I have a good book to read.  It's something I can watch with the boys and not feel left out.  That is until ....
7. THE RETURN OF SCANDAL!!
   
8. Let's just hold there for a moment... Fall is the beginning of the TV season, at least for network television, and what I also have started to call DVR season.  We are bombarded with so many new shows (Hello How To Get Away With Murder!), as well as our old favorites that we wouldn't consider missing (i.e. Revenge), and there just isn't enough time each night to see it all!  Enter the blessed DVR.
9. Blake Shelton.  The crush continues.  And so will The Voice, September 22.  
   
10. Reading/Writing time increases.  For whatever reason, I just find more time to write and read during the school year.  The boys are out of the house more, or I'm waiting at school.  Either way, it's more time to get to what I love.  Words.

Word.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

What do you think?

Someday, I think this is what is going to be put on my tombstone.

What do you think?

At what point did I stop believing that my own opinions, likes, and dislikes were all that I needed for a better life?  A happier and more relaxed life.  I am driven my public approval and acceptance, and no, I am not proud of that fact.

And then I came across this quote this morning.

And it's not until recently that I understood that I have years of unfinished projects, writings, and DIY's all because I thought someone might like that I was doing it.  Even on here, I have found myself not wanting to write as much because I'm not entirely sure anyone is reading.  Or writing more because I might have had a lot of views on a particular day.

Yes, I know YOU are reading, but does anyone else really care what I have to say?  And now for the bitter pill.... should it matter what anyone else thinks or says?

I was talking about a situation at the rink yesterday with one of our front desk staff, and at one point she said, "Well, why would you care what she thinks?"  It hit me, that I was worried about the opinion of someone I didn't even respect because of my desperate need to be liked.

Here is how bad it can get...

• I have a hard time relaxing at home because I wonder what so-and-so would think if they knew I was watching Friday Night Lights for the 4th hour in a row.
• I'm not always honest with people for fear that my opinion would lead them to think I was really crazy.  
• I think my depression is sometimes linked to the fact that I'm a people-pleaser and driven by what others need.  That fact alone makes it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.
• I'm never really sure if I love something until I finish it.  If I finish a project, yes... If it's sitting in a documents folder, no.
• Never really trusting your own opinion hold you back from taking chances and trying new things.  Or sending query letters.

I literally could go on and on.  So much of who I am is wrapped up in what I believe others think, and I HATE  it.  Hate is a strong word, but I am using it (with the trifecta of formatting no less), because I feel that at some point I need to break free from caring what others think.

Will this happen over night?  Probably not, but I do know that little changes will add up to a big difference.  I already started this week by choosing to say no to someone and owning what I wanted.

I know I'm not alone in this battle.  Many of us are guilty of this to some extent, but maybe we can start to figure out what is really important to us and roll with that.  Figure out what you love.  Figure out what you hate.  And figure out whose opinion you can really trust... and others, not so much.

Let the bad stuff go.  It can't effect you if you don't let it.

Happy Friday!

#100happydays

This might not be a word to live by, but it's certainly a hashtag to live by.

Can one live by a hashtag?

Either way, I have officially jumped on the bandwagon and started my #100happydays adventure on Instagram.

Day 1

Now I'm not completely sure if this project will create actual happiness, but I do think it will force anyone taking the challenge to start looking and being open to it.  

Besides, after I posted this picture I found myself looking around for more happy things, so any hashtag that induces a search for happy things is okay in my book. 

So whether or not you're looking to find more happiness in your days, what can it hurt?  You don't even need to take the challenge to participate.  Pay attention to what is going on around you during your day and see if you can't find something to be happy about.  You don't have to post or hashtag... just notice.

I hope you have a #happymonday and have a chance to watch or read something good tonight.

Amazing

Hello!

I tweeted this to a friend today but thought we could all use a boost now and then.  I even printed it to hang above my desk.

 

Have an amazing day!

Additions

I have an addition to my family... my blog family, that is.

It's been a struggle to write here lately (yes, I know you've noticed), and I just have found myself reading more than anything else.

It's only natural that I would want to have a blog dedicated to what I love most.  I'm hoping to maintain both blogs, as well as start a new book of my own, and want to keep you along for the ride.  Yes, I have high hopes for myself.

So, if you're looking for the next book, or just want to see what I'm reading, head on over to So Many Books and let me know what you think.

I always love to hear from you...

Friday Reads

Well... did you read something this week?

Did you love it?  Or hate it?  Or not really care if you finished it?

I read Catching Air by Sarah Pekkanen last weekend, and even though I finished it in only a couple days, it wasn't my favorite book of hers.  Don't get me wrong... it's a great book, but her earlier work, especially Skipping a Beat, was exceptional.  If you haven't read that one yet, you MUST.  It's still in my top 10 favorite books of all time.

So, this week I have two things for you to read.

The first one comes to me by way of Marcy, my book guru.  If Marcy says to read something, you read it.  You don't ask questions.  You don't inquire what it's about.

You just buy the book and read it.

And that's what I did.  I bought the book, and will spend a leisurely weekend reading it.

Eleanor & Park, by Rainbow Rowell (yes, that's for real) is the book, and I was told that it would remind you why you love to read.  I can't wait to start it and let you know all about it.

Now, the next thing I want you to read isn't a book but a website.  Not sure how I found this one, but I  started off following it on Instagram and just find myself drawn to her website all the time (it might have something to do with her monthly 30 day challenges).  The Everygirl website has a little bit of everything, and I could spend hours going through all of the articles on there.  

Trust me, you'll love it.

Start by following it on Instagram and you'll see what I mean.  Beautiful pictures every day.

Well, that's it... my #fridayreads list for you.

I hope you're reading something good this week.

Happy Friday!

Sorry (not sorry)

Sorry.

I am guilty of this - saying sorry for every little thing - even things that I have no need to be sorry for!

It's as if I am apologizing to everyone for even existing.

Sorry I'm talking.
Sorry, I have an opinion.
Sorry, I have a question.
Sorry, I'm good at what I do.
Sorry, I don't agree with you.
Sorry, I'm sick of that bullish*t.
Sorry, I really don't have time for that right now.

When I first saw this commercial, I nearly cried.

For real.

I have never really thought about it before, but what are we all sorry for?  I know I'm not the only one apologizing their days away.   Are we so worried about what everyone else thinks, that we feel the need to right something before it's even wrong?

Or is it just the worst case of insecurity ever?

I'm not sure when it started, but you better believe I'm going to stop myself from apologizing for things that aren't necessary.  

It's okay to have an opinion.

It's okay to disagree with someone.

It's okay to be exactly who you are.

Own it.

Live it. 

Be strong and shine.

Thanks, Pantene.  I love your commercial.

Happy FIRST day of Summer!

Inspired

Inspired... that's my word of the day.

I'm hoping it lasts for more than just a day though.

I've been looking everywhere for it.  High and low.  In desk drawers.  In file folders.  Even in the cookie jar.

It couldn't be found anywhere.  At least not where I was looking.

Then a friend of mine said she was doing a speaking engagement today for a teacher's conference, so I decided to leave work early and go see her.

Truth be told, I would pretty much cross state lines to watch her read the phone book.  She's that good.

And it's not so much what she's saying all the time... it's how she says it and the meaning behind the words.  She is a children's book author, a teacher, wife and mother, daughter, and friend.  So many things to so many people.  In fact she has inspired me to write another top ten list :)

Top Ten things Allison has taught me:

1. Being real and honest about who you truly are is a beautiful thing.  So many people out there are trying to fit into a mold of who they think they should be (myself included), so its amazing to be around someone who is 100% completely owning who they are.  
2. Beauty can be found everywhere.
3. Public speaking doesn't have to be scary or boring.  She is brilliant.
4. Real people attract real friends who are really nice.
5. It's okay to have issues, and if you can share them in a way to make someone else feel like they're not alone... well, that's just brilliant.
6. She is funny, wise, and likes to curse as much as I do.
7. Be nice to everyone (even the people you might not like).
8. Home is where your heart is.
9. Taking chances in necessary to growing.  
10. It's the little things in life that truly make a difference.  How you treat people and live your life will come back to you every time.  Be kind.

So you can see why my inspiration jumping off the page now?  I hope you can all find something to be inspired about this weekend.

Happy Friday!

Summer Reads

This Saturday marks the official FIRST DAY of Summer, and what goes better with Summer than books?

Nothing.

It's like peanut butter and jelly.

Batman and Robin.

Beer and pretzels.

Wine and ... well, anything.

And let me tell you, I just finished another book that totally threw me at the end.  Beautifully written, and unlike anything I've ever read,  We Were Liars by E. Lockhart will definitely make you think.

I'm sad that it's over and not sure what I'll pick up next.  I call this feeling a book hangover when you don't want something to end, and then when it does, you feel a little lost.

But it's summer, remember?  So there has to be something on the horizon... Something to pick up on the very first day of Summer.

And so it begins...

I guess my first official summer book will have to be Catching Air by Sarah Pekkanen.

I'm sure you all know this by now, but I LOVE all things Sarah.  Her stories, her writing, and her characters who are so real you feel like you already know them.

Sarah is one of those writers who makes me want to be a better writer.  I will admit to a touch of writer envy when I finish one of her books.

There you have it.  The Official Summer Reading Kickoff.

What are you reading this week?

Word

I have fallen... and I can't get up.

I have fallen in love with reading again.

Yes, it's always been one of my true loves, but I have to admit that since finishing my own book I've felt like I should be doing more than just reading.

Like working on my own.
And trying to get it published.
Or reading about getting published.
Maybe writing query letter #7.

To say I don't relax much is an understatement.

However, tonight I was cleaning out my book shelves and realized what I've been missing... and remembered why writing is so important to me.  Books are my favorite escape and always have been.

#bestshelfever

Perhaps I'm having this writers block because I'm trying too hard and not taking the time to savor the words already written.  How could I possibly think that all work and no reading would possibly work for me?  I gave up the one thing that truly made me more myself than anything else... and ended up lost again.  

So, this summer is about reading more than writing.  My book isn't going anywhere (quite literally), and I need some clarity about why I even started writing to begin with.  And starting this week, I'll bring back the Friday Reads posts again.

It's been too long, in more ways than one, so I hope you'll read along with me this summer...

Have a great week!

Dad

As I'm sitting here today, I realize how little I talk about my dad.  It's almost as if he doesn't exist, at least in my little online world.  That is so sad, because even though we all know what my mom meant to me... we know very little about him.

So it is only appropriate, on this Father's Day Weekend, to celebrate Popsie...

Popsie's Top Ten

1. Even though we don't always see it, Popsie is one of the most religious men on the planet.  He gets to the shop every morning around 5:30 am so he can say a rosary before the boys get in.  He has never not done this.
2. He had one true love in his life - my mom - and it never entered his mind (not once) that he should remarry.  They celebrated their 46th anniversary the year she died.
3. He is a staunch Republican and will dislike someone simply for being a Democrat (hence my first line in #1).  And I am not kidding.  If you want to get him riled up, ask him about Obama, but be prepared to hear some cursing.  It's not for the weak.
4. He is an avid watcher of all things horse racing.  Don't call him if a horse race is on... or even coming on.  He just wants to focus.
5. Popsie LOVES sports - especially his grandkids - but HATES refs.  There isn't a ref in Lansing that hasn't been yelled at by my dad.  It embarrasses the hell out of me, but most people seem to think it's funny.
6. Music is about the only thing he and I have in common.  Ever since I was little he and I have shared this love of the same kind of music.  
7. My dad is one who will never pass up a sale.  A $4.00 shirt at Kohls (size medium, no less)? Sure!  10 Pound can of coffee?  You betcha.  It doesn't matter what the sale is, really, he just wants to cash it in.
8. My dad loves, love, LOVES, going to the movies.  He even rates them like he's Gene Siskel himself.  Sadly his favorite movie remains Brokeback Mountain.  No lie.  It's been the family joke for years.
9. Up until they closed, Old Country Buffett was his favorite place to eat.  It's sad, really.
10. He is one of the most generous people I know and would give you the shirt off your back if you needed it.  

I really could go on and on with small tidbits about him that would make you smile or even giggle.  The truth is, he is an amazing man who has worked hard his whole life.  His business started our at Vic Garmyn and Son...  and he was the son back then.  I've always said I got my work ethic from my dad and spending habit from my mom.  If I didn't have one, I couldn't have the other.  

So, that's my Pops in a nutshell.  I hope you're lucky enough to have met him at some point, but if not just know he's a generous and stubborn old man who loves his family more than anything... and has taught me a great deal about life.

I hope you all have a wonderful dad to celebrate with this weekend!

Happy Father's Day!

Challenges

What is it about the word challenge that makes me take notice?  Is anyone else like this or am I alone with my competitive, challenging nature?

Currently I have about three challenges running around in my brain trying to provoke me into making some changes in my life.  But one thing I've learned about taking on a challenge is you had better be serious about it, because after 3-4 days, the challenge becomes the enemy.  At that point you have two choices:  Get rid of the enemy by giving up the challenge  OR  seeing it through, which always leads to a life different than it was before.

That's the part that gets me.  The whole 'different life' thing.  And I know the life I have now is truly blessed, but there's another part of me that knows in my heart I would thrive if only _______ were different.

One thing I have learned about myself this year is that I never truly relax... like, ever.  I am always thinking about what I should be doing, what I haven't done, what I ate, what I spent, and what it's going to cost me, mentally and physically.

My.  Brain.  Never.  Stops.

And it's exhausting.  So sometimes, I think I the challenge is more of a way for my mind to relax in some sort of twisted structure (think Bikram yoga).  So is the challenge helping me grow or just a mental way of weeding out the unnecessary wants?  Is my mind working overtime so I can try and find a way to relax?

Your guess is as good as mine.

All I know is that challenges are hard.
They test you.
Sometimes they piss you off.
Other times you find yourself proud.
Always, even if you don't finish, you will be changed in some way.

Make a challenge to yourself this summer.  It doesn't have to be big or life changing.  Just something that you've been thinking about for a while.

Set a date.
Write the goal.
Take the challenge.

To be continued....

Happy Mother's Day...

I think by now we all know that I have this love/hate relationship with Mother's Day.

On one hand...

Toby and the kids are extra nice that day.
Usually a meal is involved.
Everyone you see wishes you Happy Mother's Day.
My sister always gets me the best gifts.  Spoils me rotten.
Spring is in the air.

But then on the other hand...

I still miss my mom.

I won't get bogged down on what I don't have without her, since I'm starting to learn that the best of her is still with me.  I have her laugh.  I have her smile.  I have exceptional parenting mothering skills... just ask my kids or anyone at the rink.  I take care of them all.

My office is a lot like her office was:  Always filled with someone wanting to hang out or needing advice.  Sometimes they just want to vent or on the really bad days, they'll shut the door and cry.

So I sit and listen, or hug, or give them what they need, whether it's simple advice or a kick in the pants.  I witnessed this gift in my mother when I was in high school, and now I see it in myself.  It's as if she is really still here.

But she's not.

So being my mother, and still wanting to make sure I'm okay, she has surrounded me with some of the best moms I know.

My friends.

As I was walking tonight I had this overwhelming feeling of being blessed with friendship.  These moms are the ones who have held me up over the years.

still not sure who the guy is...

Laughed with me.
Cried with me.
Given me hope and support when I needed it, and of course a kick in the pants too.
We've swapped recipes and pins.
We always trade books.
We check up on each other's kids.
We do breakfast, lunch, dinner, and movies.  (Shhh)
Drinks are a given, and 'wine-ing' is allowed.


In a nutshell, I am blessed.

So to all you moms... and some of you aren't even moms yet, thank you.  Thank you for making this thing we call life worth living.  Thank you getting me through the hard days and making the easy days more fun.

We are all blessed to have each other for certain.

Thanks Mom...

Leaping

I don't know about any of you, but in my opinion, leaping is nothing short of terrifying.  I mean seriously, when was the last time you took a chance (a scary one) or knew someone who did?

Leaping isn't for wimps, but I truly believe most of us are just going through life playing it safe, and not getting anywhere.  Which then begs the question...

Are you happy playing it safe?  Or would you rather take a chance (even a small one) even if it means you might fail?

Is your life everything you want it to be... be honest, and if it's not, what would you change?  I don't know if it's just my age or what, but this feeling of anxiety and overall unsettled has fallen over me lately, and I find myself daydreaming of a better life.  I want to be the person who can take chances, but after years of perfecting safe, that is a tall order and a challenge to change.  The idea of trying and failing is easily the biggest reason most people don't take chances.

So I am going to start taking my own advice - a bitter pill to swallow for certain - and I am going to leap.  I have a list of 4 agents and what is needed for each of them to submit my manuscript.  This part of the process is so much harder than the actual writing, but it's what I want in my life, so I need to just get over the fear of the rejection and get the ball rolling.  I need to accept the fact that I love this book and want to share it with everyone.  For those of you who know me, you understand how difficult that last statement really is for me to say out loud  :)

So, your homework for the week is to find one small thing in your life that you want to take a leap with.  It could be a difficult conversation or finding time to work out again.  Anything that might take you out of your safe zone and feels uncomfortable will work.  It doesn't have to be anything major either... we're taking baby steps this week.  

Next week I will have something else in store for you :)

Have a Happy Sunday!

Commas

Comma — n
1. the punctuation mark(,) indicating a slight pause in the spoken sentence and used where there is a listing of items or to separate a nonrestrictive clause or phrase from a main clause.

After spending way too many hours on a middle school play program, someone proofing it for me became the comma nazi, to the point where I felt like she wanted a comma after every word.

I, felt, defeated, by, a, simple, punctuation, mark.

Thankfully I have a group of fabulous woman surrounding me who know the difference between logic and a case of extreme punctuationitis.

Not that there's anything wrong if you have it.

However, when I get a long list the night before it goes to press, I tend to get a little cranky.  And of course I have to ask myself, 'What is this comma trying to teach me?'  I'm old enough to know that when something presents itself to me with such a force, I must not be paying attention to something in my life.

God knocks in funny ways.

So all day yesterday I kept asking myself, where do I need to pause?  Where do I need to make some separations in my life?   And of course, this comes to me in a week where there are no breaks, and there is no separation between home, work, wife, mother, and friend.

My to do list is abundant and not exactly in a good way.

Did that last sentence need a comma?

Sigh... I may not know where all the commas go in the land of punctuation (Mrs. Head would not be proud), but I do know that I am using today as a comma.

A break.
A pause.
Separating things I want to do and the things I need to do.

Today is about the wants, and hopefully it will make all the needs seem a little less needy this week.

Take a moment today to see where you could take a pause from real life and don't worry if you're using it the right way.

There are no rules to life commas.  Use as many as you need :)

Have a fabulous Wednesday!

Flexibility, Part 2

It's no secret I have a love/hate relationship with my Bikram Yoga.  Everyone who practices says you have to give it time... Five classes, they say is the magic number when you stop wishing you were in an igloo the entire time you're in there.

Well, I'm here to tell you that if I were to base it on my 5th class, I probably wouldn't go back.

It was hell.

Literally.

And crowded, and long, and I wanted anything other than to be there.

Then I sat outside the door after class, blinking back tears, when the teacher tried to talk me off the ledge.  It only made me want to cry more.  I cannot remember ever feeling like this about any exercise other than when I was a kid, skating.

That was the hate part.

Then, the day after, I didn't have time to go in so I just did a yoga video at home.  And it was then and there that I realized that yoga had invaded my brain, and I would probably never do anything again without focusing intensely on my breath.

I finished the video with a new outlook about the five classes I had accomplished (and for anyone who has ever done even one class, you understand the meaning of accomplishment with new eyes).  The video is hard, but certainly nothing like what I had been through in the past couple weeks.  When I was done, I realized that I had gained much more than physical strength during those 450 minutes of yoga:  I was mentally stronger than I was two weeks ago, and that's saying a lot after 10 months of winter.

So I thought I'd give you the Top 5 things Bikram Yoga has taught me:

1. I am stronger than I think.  This class will break you down in the first ten minutes if you don't continually tell yourself that you just need to get through the next exercise.  And then the next one...
2. Being perfect at something anything is just an illusion.  Don't get me wrong - I don't think I'm perfect at anything, but I tend to stay in the safe zone when it comes to working out (and life).  Walking, running, elliptical... nothing that is going to teach me anything.  And having spent the majority of my life on skates, that really isn't a challenge either.  It's good for me to fail miserably at something like I did in my 5th class.
3. I can pretty much get through anything, one breath at a time.  This practice should be mandatory for women considering getting pregnant.
4. Focusing on one point is the single greatest skill you can acquire to learn balance.  Right now I'm focusing on a glass of wine.  Life is about balance, and that is sometimes found in a glass.  No judging.
5. I don't give up easily.  Even though I usually think of myself as the queen of starting things, I am learning to finish things too.  I don't like letting myself down, and have figured out what things are really important to me.  Those are the things I'm finishing.  I'm a finisher :)

I know that I have easily sweated out my body weight in this last two weeks, and I also know that I will go back again and again.  In a year that is about flexibility, I am learning so much more... but I guess that was the point all along.

I hope you all have a happy weekend!

Chicken

Out of all my bad qualities - and there's a boatload of them - I think stubbornness might be the worst one of them all.

I also think Toby would agree with this statement ever day and twice on Sunday.

For instance, I'll give you just a small sample of how stubbornness can make or break a morning commute.

Have you noticed that with all of the snow we've gotten this winter the streets are more narrow?  I mean, two cars can barely pass each other without taking off a side mirror.  (This is where I spill my gratitude that I'm not one of those unfortunate parents teaching their kids to drive right now ;))

Anyways, every morning every single freaking morning, I turn down the side street to the STA back entrance -  you know the one that's narrow on a bright summer day, let alone with forty inches of snow pushing it's way into the street- and there's not one, but a line of school busses coming at me.  Yep, that's me, playing chicken every morning with the busses, just waiting to see who will move into the snowbank and who will drive comfortably down the street.

Needless to say, my little zippy car doesn't have four wheel drive, but oh how I wish it did, because I lose the battle every.  freaking.  morning.

Chicken is the new line rage, and this makes line rage look adorable.

Blake is scared $#@less every morning and braces himself when we make that turn.  This morning he asked to leave earlier (than 7:25) just to avoid the busses.  We made it almost to the stop sign when we saw the first bus take the corner and line up with me.  RATS!

When we mentioned our daily game of chicken with the busses, Toby simply asked why we don't go the long way, and I looked at him like he was crazy.  Does he even know who I am???

I didn't have the guts to tell Toby that going the long way had never crossed my mind (and it truly didn't).  I wasn't looking for a solution... only a way to beat the busses.

That, my friends, is stubbornness at it's worst.

I hope this brings a smile to your face today, and that you all have a happy bus-free Monday!

#tbt

Time flies.
Years pass.
Kids grow up.

While we are busy carpooling, making lunches, setting up play dates, shuttling to practices, and helping with homework, moments turn into memories.

And nothing can make you feel older than a throwback Thursday.  I look at pictures and wonder where did the time go?  I have a love/hate thing going on with the whole aging process.

On one side we know more than we did when they were little.  Things like sleepless nights and endless feedings are adorable compared to the gray hair moments of driving with a newly-permitted driver...

Or trying to stay awake till they're home.

Or wondering if even a community college will accept them after this year of math... again.

Or if they're doing drugs, or having sex, or still love their parents.

I feel like if you knew how you'd feel when they were in their teens before you became pregnant, there would be fewer kids in the world.  Parenting is not for the faint at heart nor for the weak.  

On the other side, where would we be without them?  I know for a fact that life wouldn't be the same without the issues, the problems, the sarcasm, the hugs, the singing (thank you Blake), the games, the practices, the friends, and the laughter.  

Life isn't simple and rarely goes as we planned.  It's best to keep a flexible attitude and learn to think quickly on your feet.  Life isn't supposed to be perfect, so stop trying to fit into a mold that will never fit.  Good, bad, and ugly, your family - your life - is just that.  Yours.  And learning to accept it, and love it, will ease some of the aging process.

And when in doubt a glass of wine will usually make everything seem okay... at least for the moment.

Happy #TBT my friends.

Endless Winter

Many people, myself included, are done with winter.

Done.

DONE.

D. O. N. E. Done.

And then the stupid Groundhog had to go and see his shadow, locking in another 6-weeks of this stuff.  

So, this past week I started to think of summer things.  I got new nose guards for my favorite sun glasses (I can't wear them without)... Toby bought sunscreen for spring break... and I changed my ringtone to Beachin'.

And then I stumbled on this video from last year... I thought we could all use a giggle about now.

And then I thought we could add a song to our Summer Playlist...

But if all else fails, just remember The Voice and Scandal are back in 2 weeks!!

And the irony of all ironies is the fact that I chose Endless Summer as our Show theme this year.  So we have that to look forward to as well :)

Maybe it was fate.

And maybe this endless winter will fade away and be a memory when we're sweating throughout the summer.  At this point, I'd be okay with that, but I'm also careful about what I wish for.  I'm not stupid.

I hope you all have some summer thoughts today!

Happy Saturday...

Leap

This word has been a recurring theme in my life lately.

Leap, and the net will appear.

It's something that is so easy to forget and so difficult to do.  Nobody wants to leap willingly, and more often than not, there is someone pushing you from behind.... all the while telling you to leap.  Playing it safe is undoubtedly the easy path to take, but I know for a fact that happiness can't be found that way.  Ironically, when we push ourselves past our comfort zones - whether it be a diet, a job, or in this case, trying to publish a book - we find that odd satisfaction that makes the discomfort worth it.

Do I want to spend every minute of free time trying to figure out how to write query letters to agents
who may or may not ever read a word of my book?  Not really, but I have to, because I have set this as my goal and right now that is everything to me.  I have become one of those narrow-minded people who only wants to talk, write, and think about what needs to be done.

I'm annoying to myself at this point.

But I have decided to leap and there's no turning back for me now.  I only wish I had more time-energy-money to do more, and I personally want to thank everyone who has been behind me, pushing encouraging me to leap.

I'm not even sure it'll be worth it in the end, but that's the whole point to leaping.  We're never really sure the net will appear.  It requires faith and courage, two things that can be considered the wings of leaping.  

“The true meaning of courage is to be afraid, and then, with your knees knocking and your heart racing, to step out anyway—even when that step makes sense to nobody but you. I know that’s not easy. But making a bold move is the only way to truly advance toward the grandest vision the universe has for you.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

That, my friends, is the Oprah definition of leaping.

Happy Thursday...

Flexible

flex·i·ble

adjective  1.  capable of bending easily without breaking.

synonyms: pliable, supple, bendable, pliant, plastic;

After the last three weeks, this is the word I have come up with that will be my focus for the year.

Flexible.

And yes, I mean to study, learn, and live out this word in both the figurative and literal sense of the definition.

For years I have had yoga in the back of my mind.  It is just one of those things, like running, that I never thought I could do.

I try.
I'm really bad.
I wake up really sore.
And I stop.

But I believe the whole theory behind yoga is to break down that resistant thought pattern so you can get to the other side.  The side that is less rigid, stiff, and uncompromising.

The side that allows more creative thinking.

The side that remembers that everything is going to be okay no matter what.

The side that bends with the ups and downs of life.

The ironic part is you have to let go of everything - all your patterns and stubborn ways - to get to that side, but when you do, it can be more comforting than a bowl of popcorn and binge watching Scandal all night.

Who am I kidding?  Nothing is more comforting than popcorn and Scandal.

But you know what I mean.  

Bottom line is this:  I need - crave - flexibility in my life.  I need to not feel like my body is going to fall apart at any given moment.  I need to remember that as a parent, it's not always black and white.  I need to bend with the flow of life and stop breaking with every strong wind (like a tree branch over an electric wire). 

Couldn't resist.

So there you have my goal for the year.  

I know it comes to you a little later than expected, but maybe I'll be teaching you flexibility as well this year :)

What is your word for the year?  Make it a good one....

Happy Friday!