Remember me?

It's been weeks since I've written anything for anyone.

Well, it feels like weeks.

I'm not sure how long it really is, but jeez Louise this isn't how I function, and I actually forgot about this until someone mentioned it today.  How could I forget about something that brings me so much happiness?  I'm smiling even as I write this (mostly because I know you were happily shocked to see a
new post today).

So here's the deal... I am officially out of any kind of summer schedule and even got the first week of learn to skate out of the way, so I am going back to making what I love a priority again.  It's strange how quickly all hell can break loose when a schedule is cattywompus, and nothing feels right unless I'm writing or working on something anymore... so I guess you're stuck with me.

Consider my writing like the Fall TV programming.  Sometimes you have to put up with a bunch of repeats till your favorite show comes back on (hello... The Voice is on soon!!)  

Thanks for your patience... I'll check in soon :)

Happy Monday!

Lost, Season 45

So I finished my first draft four days ago.

And I'm lost.  Like really lost.

Like, I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not working, lost.  And even work is a struggle these days.

There is nothing on TV.  I can't focus on any book.  Y & R is only fifty minutes on the iPad, and even that isn't doing much for me.

All I want is to go back to Lakeside and hang out with Linny and the guys.  I want Charlie to hug me and Jimmy to roll his eyes and make jokes.  I want to feel the way Grace feels after a run... not the way I do.

The thing is I knew I was obsessive with writing this book, so much so that I literally couldn't wait to
finish whatever it was that I was doing, so I could get back in Frankfort.

But everything I've read about revisions says to leave it alone for a week and go back to it with fresh eyes, so here I am... needing to write and someone to hear me.  Life would probably be easier if I liked to talk on the phone, but it's words that make me feel better.

I also know I've neglected this for so long, and it's time I get back to finding some normalcy after this summer (did I mention it was the best summer ever?).  On September 1 I will tackle revisions and get back into their lives, but until then I'm going to try and relax for a moment.

In the meantime, if you notice me somewhere and I look a little well.... lost, just hang in there with me.  I'll find my way back home eventually.

I have truly missed this and hope someone is still checking to see if I'm alive :)

Motherhood

As I sit here tonight it is killing me not to be able to see Sarah and precious little Jonah (Little J-Twizzle, for long).  And knowing I was one of the first to even know about him nine months ago, this doesn't seem fair.

I comforted with the morning sickness.
I sat through nine months of bagel eating.
I hugged and calmed her down when she needed, right down to the day before.
I tried to be brutally honest with what really happens in delivery so she was prepared.
I told her to get an epidural, even though she was one of those who thinks they're tough enough.

And I've texted.  Oh how I've texted... words of wisdom, dirty jokes, sarcasm, truth, and joy.

To say I make it a priority to help her through life is an understatement, and I don't know what it is that compels me to take on this role, but we are connected in a weird way that cannot be explained.

And if I can't be there this week, there are a few things I want her to know... mom to mom.

• First of all, you are going to be overwhelmed.  It may not hit today or tomorrow, but it will hit, and when it does you'll wonder why you ever thought being a mother would be cool.

• You will fall so head over heels in love with this baby, and will find yourself just standing over them to watch them sleep.

• Your whole being is going to be taken over by this small, beautiful boy (a boy!!), but you will soon find out that your heart grows even bigger each day.  You will have space for Jonah, as well as well as the life you had before him.  Yes, your priorities will change, but it doesn't mean you have to choose one or the other.  You will learn the fine art of juggling and relying on your friends... and that's okay.

• Post-pardum is real.  Take it seriously if you're sad.

• Ask for and accept help as much as possible, especially at the beginning.  You may feel like super-mom (and you are), but none of us got through the first week alone.  

• Take naps when he naps.  Even if it's 4 6 times a day.

• No one cares if your house is a mess.

• Be kind to your self.

• Your friends have always been your life line.  That will not change.

• Above all things, remember this:  Jonah might be one of the luckiest little boys I know because he has you as his mom.  I hope he gets your sense of humor and especially your snarkiness of late.   I hope he follows in your path to be utterly passionate about something when he gets older.  I hope he knows he has not just you and Joel, but the entire skating family and the place we call home.  You're going to spend hours upon hours worrying about the tiniest issues, but I assure you, everything will be okay in the end.

This should get you through to Friday, when come hell or high water, I'm coming to see Mr. T.... with presents and dinner.  I plan on holding him for a long time too, so get your fix before I get there.  

Until then, you can text me any time day or night.  

I can't wait to see how this next part of your life unfolds.  

resistance

re•sist•ance (rɪˈzɪs təns) 

n.

1. the act or power of resisting, opposing, or withstanding.

2. the opposition offered by one thing, force, etc., to another.

How many of us are really willing to change?  Sure we complain about our lives, go through the actions of getting through another day, and will post about either good or bad times on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

But who out there is really willing to change their lives for the better?

Change isn't as easy and glamorous as it sounds, and most of us simply won't do it till we're forced to.  You know the reasons people change...

Someone gets a health scare
Someone loses a job.
Someone dies

Yes, there are many other reasons out there, but this is not about the reasons.  It's about the resistance to make your life better, even with the reasons.  We're all going to have our hardships in life, but knowing what you want and going after it is what I really think life is about.

Perhaps I'm still in my post-Life List glow, but I have to believe we're here for more than to make money and pay bills.  I know we can't quit our jobs, but can we fit our life in around them?

What is one thing you could do today that wouldn't make you a dime, but would make you happy?  I know some of us don't even know the answer to that question, and maybe that's where you start.  It just isn't enough for me to wait for the reasons to change.  I know change is hard... it's why most people don't do it, but being forced to change for reasons outside your control is surviving at best.  Life is so much more than surviving.

Homework:  Make your own list.  It doesn't have to be life-changing or drastic, and yes, I'll even allow you to use Pinterest to make your life list board.

Happy Wednesday!

The Life List

July 18th marked the 10 year anniversary of my mother's death, and to honor her memory, I went shopping.... at Target.  Where else would I go?  Jacobson's isn't around anymore.

And even though I had told myself I wouldn't buy any books this summer and only read what I had, I bought a book.  A friend had posted something about it on Facebook, and after reading the back, I put it in the cart without a second thought.  

It had me at hello.  

Or at least it had me from page 5, when the main character, grieving from her mother's death (from ovarian cancer no less) makes the statement:  "I have so much more daughter left in me."

The book is The Life List by Lori Nelson Spielman, and in some strange way, it has helped me through this week.  I know it seems odd that I would even buy this book, but I am so glad I did, and can't wait for you to read it.  

I have been so blessed this summer reading books that are filled with love, loss, and life, and I can't help but look at my own little book and wonder if someday we'll be snapping pictures of it on a Target shelf for Instagram.  

In a nutshell, these books make me want to finish my own in hopes of making someone else feel better. I'm not sure it's even about getting it published anymore... that would just be the cherry on top.  It's about completion and putting it all out there for the world to see.  

It's also about letting it all go and remembering to dream.  In The Life List acknowledgments, Lori finishes by writing 'Finally, this book belongs to every girl and woman who sees the word "dream" and thinks verb, not noun.'  I think that's a perfect way to end this. 

Happy Sunday!  Go read something fabulous today.

Fabulous

Years ago, there was a book called The Book of Awesome, featuring the most mundane things as awesome (buttered toast, towels just out of the dryer, etc...) and I loved it.  It was one of those be-grateful-for-the-ordinary books that really hit the nail on the head.  When you're grateful for what you already have, life becomes... well, awesome.

It was fabulous.

And today when I was walking I started to think about it.  After two walks this week that left me wondering when I got so out of shape, today was sweltering, sweaty, energizing, and fabulous.  It was a walk that gave me hope that maybe I wasn't so... well, hopeless.  By the end of the walk I was thinking of spinning again.  That's how good the walk was.

I also started to wonder what else I could do, what other walls I could push through, to get to the other side where fabulous waits, and immediately writing came to mind.  It's so similar to working out it scares me.

It's always something I feel like I have to do, but ALWAYS feel better when I'm done.
It's one of those few things in life that leaves me with more energy and excitement.
It produces hope and joy... two things I can never have enough of.

Here are a few other things that I think are just fabulous...

• That perfect margarita on a hot summer night.
• The text that comes at exactly the moment you need it.
• The power nap.
• Hearing laughter from your kids.
• Songs that make you want to dance.
• Action films featuring Channing Tatum.
• Iced coffee
• Reading through old posts and having the strongest feeling of wonder and pride.
• Planning a girls weekend.
• The gift of writing.  

Of course I could go on and on, because life is fabulous.  Sometimes we just have to recognize it, accept it into our lives, and let go of the stuff that brings us down.   I read a passage in a book recently that put it as simple as this:  Do you want to be happy, or do you want to hang on to the baggage of the past?

I know, more than anyone else, that while it seems like an easy choice, it's not always that easy.  I am working on letting go, and I hope you are too.  

What's on your fabulous list?  Yes, you have to write one now.

Happy Sunday!

charlie

I haven't written a word in almost a week.  Not really sure why... sometimes it's just easier not to write than to break my own heart every time I open my laptop.

But then I heard this song today, and kept thinking about Charlie, and knew some of you might be too. So if my words aren't comforting you, maybe this will.

You're welcome.

Happy Thursday!