Week 3

We have learned to let go, and hopefully continue to do that.

We have learned the power of gratitude and how a change in perspective can change your life.  Literally.

Now I want to give you the power of acceptance.

Week 3:  Working with what you've got.

So often we feel like we will be happier, smarter, more productive when we _________________.  I'll let you fill in the blank.  For me, everything would be perfect if I were skinny, and it's been that way since I was 17.

I was skinny at 17.

Only I didn't see it then, and I've been beating myself up and putting life on hold for more than half my life.  I dismiss compliments like flies and can find fault with pretty much everything I do.  Everything.

I'm starting to believe that life begins when you are 100% yourself and completely okay with that.  At some point you will have to make a choice, pick sides, and be who you want to be.  It sounds simple, but it's not.  For some it's hell.

So, as with every week, you'll have homework, but unlike the past two weeks, I'll post something different each day starting tomorrow morning.  For tonight, I just want you to think about one thing that you love about your self.  It can be anything from baking to your sense of humor.  Think about what compliments you get and really savor them as truths and not just words.

By the end of this week, you're going to see your self as others see you... with love.  And that's when the fun really begins.

friends, Zac, and the power of Fifty Shades

Have you ever had one of those nights you just never want to end?  When the stars line up, everyone shows, and Zac Efron is involved?  Throw in Fifty Shades of Grey  and free shots, and we have ourselves a party.  

That was last night.  A GNO of epic proportions, and I for one, am still giggling.... and grateful. 

It was a much needed end of my week (all of ours really) and it was absolutely the perfect way to wrap up my week of Gratitude.  It's funny how it all ties in for me sometimes.

I know I get stuck in the issues of life.  The money, the stress, the failing grades and missing assignments.  I focus a lot on those things. Sometimes, I focus so acutely on those things, I don't want to get out of bed.  So really taking the time each day to figure out what I loved was really challenging for me, but also enlightening.  And then I realized something last night.  We all have the same problems.  Okay, maybe not the same problems, but definitely we are all going through our own stuff that is difficult and challenging.  And sharing those problems with each other not only helps us relax, it creates a safe place for us to vent.  We realize we're not alone over Coronas and shots, and we slowly begin to replace the anxiety with laughter and love.  

We  were grateful for each other last night whether we noticed it or not.  That is why the night was so much fun.  But then again, there was Zac...  

Have a Happy Monday!  Week 3 will start tonight, and it's a good one, so check in later :)

grateful

Today, I am grateful for my friends...

Have a fabulous day :)

Week 2

So, hopefully the exercises you worked on last week were helpful.  Letting go is an ongoing process, and one that you should almost practice daily.  Once you've let go of the BIG stuff, the daily issues will be easier to notice and handle.  Just try to figure out if your moods are swinging because of something in the present or the past, and you'll be more relaxed in life.  More relaxed = Happier :)

Now we move into Week 2, which is all about Gratitude, and oddly enough, it's the single most important week of all.  I have found over the years, to start with letting go, because so many people are holding onto past issues and can never see the beauty before their very eyes.  Once we get rid of the junk, we gain clarity.

And gratitude will set the standard for the rest of the weeks.  Consider it the base of the triangle in our happiness pyramid.  Without it, everything else will crumble to the ground.

Homework:  Do as many or as few as you want, as long as you do at least one thing every day.

1. Every morning, write a list of 10+ things you are grateful for (can be done in the evening as well.)
2. Send a friend a letter (friend, spouse, child, co-worker) or note of why you are grateful for them.  You can do this once, or pick someone different each day.
3. When you get in bed, think about your day and pick one thing that really made you feel good.
4. For one day, try to sincerely thank everyone who helps you out.  Look them in the eye, and make sure they know you mean it.
5. Start a gratitude journal, and write in it every day.  Only good things in this journal, no negative stuff.
6. Save the photo above, and make it your background on your phone.  Every time you check your phone, think of something your're thankful for in that moment.  

I know it seems like you have to write a lot on this journey, but I truly believe that the act of writing will connect you to yourself, and uncover who you're supposed to be.  

It's show week, so hopefully I'll be checking in at some point.  If not, do your homework and I'll see you in week 3!

Have a fabulous week :)

The Boomerang Effect

Have you ever noticed when you decide to make a momentous change, life has a way of trying to push you back into your old ways?


You start a diet and a co-worker brings in brownies.
You vow to spend less money, and there's a sale at Target.
You promise to forgive and forget, and you're faced issues you didn't even know you had!


It's the boomerang effect.  And now that you know it exists, it should make it easier to plan for it.  Let's face it, God has a sense of humor, and I think He's testing to see if we're serious by what we choose.  


For instance, here is a list of things that happened just yesterday (keep in mind I'm trying to keep the past in the past and forgive myself or anyone else.)


Get to work at 9:00 am; everything is hunky dory.


9:15 am:  I never did a Regional Number sign up.  The coaches have to send out last minute emails to their parents reminding them that it starts at 4 pm... that day.


11:00 am:  UPS guy shows up without my rushed order for a boys basic skills costume.  Apparently, I didn't know he was a boy when I ordered him a girls costume.  Nice.


Noon:  I realize I'm the worst friend possible and forgot to wish Linda a happy birthday.  Ping!


1:15 pm:  While setting out the costumes, I realize that I ordered the boys pants and not shirts.  I never order pants, and only order shirts for the show.  This should be interesting.


5:20 pm:  I realize that I also forgot to order skirts for one of our other numbers.  They have leotards, but no skirts.  Happens to be the same group with vocal parents.  They are kind, but make no mistake, I'll have to fix this today, and for the tenth time, I know they want hot pant shorts instead of the skirt.  I.  Get.  It.


9:30 pm:  Yes, I'm still at the rink and trying to close the registers.  Something goes wrong, and I can't for the life of me figure out why only the concession register is showing up on the report.  I can hear Jess in my head saying "What the hell?" and I begin to beat myself up.  


10:00 pm:  I get home, crack a beer, and cry.  


I was able to get through the entire day until that point.  Sure, I was frustrated at times, but everyone around me was able to sympathize or at least understand.  But for some reason, closing did me in.  

I went to bed and really thought about the day.  Sure it had been hell, but I handled it.  The only thing that was really bothering me was closing, and it dawned on me ~ Closing is not my thing!  Numbers are not my thing.   And while I so desperately wanted to do a good job for Jeff, I at least did the best I could.  I'm not going to be that person that 'does' everything well.  I am good at a lot of things, but I need to remember my limitations, and forgive them too.  


Today, the sun is shining, I don't have to work till tonight, and I am writing.  All is well.  I called Debbie last night and told her she may have a puzzle this morning, so I am just going to do my best not to worry about what I did, or what they'll say.  I know it'll bug me for a bit, but I will do my best to let it go. 


Thanks for the wake up call God.  Maybe next time it doesn't have to happen all in one day, and for the record, I'm not giving up.


I certainly hope you all have a great day! 


  

baggage

My least favorite thing about vacations might be the moment we get home, and the suitcase will sit there waiting to be cleaned out for days - okay, sometimes a week.  Two weeks max.

I simply dread that instant 3 loads of laundry you'll get when you empty it, or having to figure out what's clean or dirty.  Then having to put the summer stuff away because you won't need it for months, blah, blah, blah.

It's adding insult the the fact that your vacation ended and real life begins again.  Our baggage will sit in our walkway by the desk, daring us to not trip over it for that time.  Our baggage mocks us.

As I'm starting the 8 Weeks challenge, I'm noticing our personal baggage does the same thing.  It's in the way, whether we know it or not, and time and time again, we'll trip over it during our normal day.  You'll catch a song, or read a quote, or maybe see someone at a distance that triggers a memory.  A not-so-good memory and boom, we're pissed off, sad, or doubtful again (circle one).  We are constantly stubbing our toe on our personal baggage, and most of the time we don't even realize why we're mad.  We just go about our day, taking out our mood swing on everyone around us.

I truly think that once we clean out the baggage once and for all, these mood "shifts" will subside, and you can get on with your day dealing with the task at hand.  Life is tough enough on a daily basis without past memories haunting us.  It's time to put the luggage away, let go of the past, and keep the happy memories in a very special corner where you can reach them any time.

They don't call it forgive and forget for no reason.  Forgive yourself or someone else, and let it be something that makes you stronger instead of tearing you down.

Now empty that suitcase!

8 Weeks

Okay, work with me here. 

I am officially putting it out there and starting a new book~ writing one this time, not reading. 

"Is this wise?" you might ask since it's 13 days from the show, but I'm trying an experiment first with this one. 

One of the main characters is going to be a very famous self-help guru with many best selling books.  One book, 8 Weeks To a Better Life has been on the NYT list for six months. 

What I'd like to do (with all my self-help knowledge) is create a list of things for 8 weeks, that could in fact, change your life.  So essentially, I'm creating a book inside a book.  You know I love a challenge. 

So, I'm going to create the list, give us weekly to-do's, and see what happens.  Feel free to work along with me.  I just think this will make more sense if the 'weeks' create actual change. 

Week 1:  Let go of the past.

I think we all have had that moment when we realized that we were holding ourselves back based on some event in our past.  We all have a past, and times we would rather forget.  This week is about first remembering them, then letting them go.  There are many ways to let them go, and for the record, once you do the weight will be lifted.  Here are some ideas:

1.  First thing in the morning write about the events that you need to let go.  There might be one or there might be twenty-three.  Get up each morning, and write them down on loose leaf paper. Describe them in detail, expressing how you felt because of them.  At the end of the week you will destroy them.  Burn them, shred them, crumple up and toss.  The choice is yours, but once they are gone, you will let them be in the past. 

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be. ~ Carrie Bradshaw

2.  Write down each regretful moment and leave space to write under each one.  Once that is done, write how the new you (the one today) would have reacted or responded.  Accept the fact that the past is the past, and your heart and head are wiser now.  Read them each day to understand that you are not the same person anymore.

3.  Get a stack of post its and a sharpie.  Write down every stinking moment you hate in your life.  If you only have a few, you're lucky!  Each sticky note gets it's own drama.  Stick them in a place where you can see them, but only you (inside a notebook or journal works).  We don't need anyone else judging you at this time.  When you're done, look and study each note.  Relive that moment if you can and remember how you felt.  Once you're ready to let it go and forgive, throw the note away.  The goal is to be rid of them by the end of the week.  Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves.  Sometimes we need to forgive others.  You may even want to write a letter to someone letting them know how you feel today, and how that moment changed you. 

You can do one of these or all of these.  Forgiveness is the key to making this work.  Sometimes we just have to write and figure out who/what it is we are trying to forgive and forget. 

So whaddaya think??  I am going to try all three just to see how this works.  And if you're curious, I did make these all up, as well as the weekly challenges.  What can I say, self-help has consumed my life, and it's about time I used it. 

Have a fabulous week!!  Week one begins NOW.

Balance

I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately. Probably too much. But I really feel like there are so many things I still need to learn, and I wish she were still here. I need someone here to tell me that Evan is completely normal, and everything is going to be all right. I never realized, until recently, how much I based my faith in her. I always knew life would turn out fine, because she would move Heaven and earth to make it so.

She made everything "fine."

And a part of me is trying to be that same kind of mom. The one who magically takes care of everything. The one who shows up with food and a smile. The mom who's tough on the outside, but a softy on the inside. I want so much to be that kind of mom, but I'm starting to think that all those things came at a price. Sure my mom found happiness in being 'the best mom' but a part of me wonders if she was really happy. Did she live a full life? Sadly, I don't think she did.

I don't want to turn out like that. Deep down there is a very selfish person inside me that I've learned to shut up with cookies... and wine. She has been babbling for a while now, and I am starting to listen to her. She's the one who loves spin class and running. She likes yoga and fruit, and schedules her week around work outs. At night she turns on Pandora and writes instead of watching reruns of Criminal Minds.

She lives.

So while this seems like an impossible combination, I am going to try and find a way to balance them so I really can have it all. The problem lies when I have to choose one over the other (usually motherhood), but I am really going to remember that balance is the only way to happiness for me. And as I sit here and write this, I'm realizing that she is still teaching me, guiding me. I think she'd be happy to read this right now. I want to be a great mom who shows her family that it's important to still have dreams and goals.

In a nutshell, I want it all.

Is that too much to ask?

 

Courage

For some reason, this word has been popping up in my life lately.  It's not a word I take lightly, so when I see it or feel it, well, it sits with me for a while.

I started off my day at the rink watching our adult skaters perform exhibitions preparing for Adult Nationals.  One woman, Francie, is over seventy, and out there skating to Titanic as if it were the Olympics.  There were many others, that quite frankly, showed more courage in those twenty minutes than I have in the past two years.  As I stood there I realized that I just don't take chances any more, and not really sure I ever have.  There's something about putting yourself out there and taking a chance on something, without one worry about what anyone else would say.

Three hours later I find myself at Sparrow Children's floor visiting Hannah who is battling Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and I am faced with another form of courage.  She slept most of the time so I was able to talk with her mom who is the definition of courage.  She is positive, full of faith and love, and knowing the whole time that this is the way it's supposed to be.  She knows that Hannah was chosen for this battle for whatever reason, and they have accepted this wholeheartedly.  There were no complaints.  There was no unhappiness.  It was love and gratitude, and I am a better person having been there today.

I would like to be a more courageous person.  I would like to see how different life would be if I took more chances instead of playing it safe.  I would be curious to see what would happen if I just once tried something new.  In the past few weeks I have started doing a spin class that does give me butterflies before I get on the bike, and so I keep going back.

It's not much, but it is a start.  I would like to do more, but baby steps is about all I can do at this point. Who knows ~ maybe this class will get me on a roll (a little bike humor :))